Reaching for Maternity
by MinnieBSB
Summary: The title pretty much explains it. Olivia is reaching for maternity. Eventual EO. I guess you'll have to read it if you want to find out more! Updated 11/25/16
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hello everyone! I have been in love with the idea of this story for a very long time. I have always felt that Liv should have been a mother much earlier in the series, so I decided to give myself that satisfaction. This story takes place right after Elliot tells Liv that he'll support her in anyway that she wants a child, which I believe is season nine. It's not all happiness and fun times in the first few chapters, but I can promise you two things. Number one: There will be a lot of EO/Bensler stuff in here. Number two: There will be plenty of struggles.**

 **I hope you enjoy! If you feel like dropping a review I guess I could live with that ;)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own law and order svu or it's characters.**

" _I'll support you, no matter what"._

In the moment, his words seemed to tease her more than comfort her. Of course he would never do that to her intentionally. He meant well. However, the fact that a man that was blessed with four children and a baby on the way offered his support while she struggled to become a mother annoyed her. He didn't understand her desire to start a family because he already had one. His promise of support was meaningless...Until now.

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His smile was enough to warm the heart that criminals and players froze long ago. His eyes were capable of mesmerizing her with their beauty and intensity. When he giggled...all of her strength became meaningless. It was impossible not to laugh along with him. She couldn't ask for a more perfect child. There was only one problem… He wasn't hers.

She sighed at the realization. Life could be so cruel. The newborn snuggled further into her chest as he peacefully slept. Elliot told her that his name was Hudson. They had found him crying in his crib at a crime scene earlier that morning.

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 _Earlier that morning_

" _She's gone" Elliot informed his partner who was checking the man's pulse. There was so much blood. The woman, Kate Riggins, had been brutally raped and beaten to death. By the looks of it, her now deceased husband, Matthew Riggins, had tried to fight the perp. Sadly, the rapist had a gun on him and shot Matthew in the head. The perp forced his way in through the front door, but other than that, no damage had been done to the house._

 _Olivia felt awful. This woman was so young. According to her license, she was only twenty-four._

" _Warner said that she'll be here in ten minutes" Elliot called out from the living room._

 _Suddenly a shrill cry echoed through the house._

" _Did you hear that?" Liv asked._

" _It sounded like it came from upstairs"._

 _They hadn't done a full sweep yet. There was a chance that someone was still in the house._

 _Olivia ran upstairs with her gun drawn, ready to take on whoever it was. She noticed the open door at the end of the hallway. She carefully crept down the hall and peaked into the room. What she saw surprised her._

 _The sound had come from a beautiful baby boy. His face was red as a tomato and his cheeks were soaked in tears. God only knows how long he had been up there. She put her gun back in its holster and picked up the little guy. As soon as he was settled in her arms, his crying ceased._

" _El!" She yelled._

" _They had a baby"._

 _1 Hour Later_

 _Olivia had tried passing the baby to one of the medics so that they could check him over, but he adamantly refused. He'd wail as soon as her hands left him. Olivia blushed fiercely the first time and decided to try it again, but he still wouldn't have it._

" _He must like you" the medic said with a warm smile._

 _Olivia couldn't help but smile at the newborn. Much to her joy, he gave her a gummy smile back._

" _His name is Hudson Riggins" Elliot told her. He held up the birth certificate that he had found and showed it to her._

" _Hudson…" She repeated. She loved the sound of his name. Hudson. It was unique, but not too out there._

" _Well Hudson, I'm Olivia"._

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She had been up in the cribs with him for over an hour and nothing had made her happier. His little fingers formed a fists around her finger. The strength of his grip was quite impressive for a one month old baby.

A soft knock on the door earned her attention. Elliot peaked his head in before fully committing to entering the room. Realizing it was only her partner, Olivia's eyes returned to the little one in her arms.

"He's so precious" She whispered more to herself than to Elliot.

For a moment, Elliot was thankful that she was so taken by the baby. He could let the sad smile form on his face without having to worry about her seeing it. Unfortunately, he had to give her some bad news, but he wanted her to enjoy herself for a while longer. She proceeded to play with and talk to the baby as if Elliot wasn't even there.

"Liv, you know we have to take him the shelter" He said after a while. He didn't want to see her upset, but they had to. Hudson was in the state's hands now.

Olivia sighed. She knew that this moment was coming. She had prepared herself for it, but how could she not be torn apart when he had such beautiful eyes?

"Did you find any relatives?"

Elliot shook his head. His mother was an only child and the father's only sibling had passed years ago. Neither of their parents were alive either. The poor guy had no family left.

"El, I don't want to take him to a shelter".

"You know we have to".

She pondered the statement for a moment.

"Not if I foster him".

He had thought about that possibility. He had thought about that a lot. She had been denied for adoption a couple of months ago because of her job, but he knew someone that could help her out…

"Look Liv-"

"No, Elliot" She cut him off. "You said that you'd support me. You said that you'd be there for me, however I chose to have a child. Are you going back on your word?"

She had him there. He wanted to support her, but she was likely to get hurt. On the other hand, it might work, but they wouldn't know until they tried.

"You know me, I never make a promise that I don't intend to keep. This fostering thing might work out, but we still have to take him to the shelter tonight. There's nothing we can do at the moment because his information still needs to be put into the system".

She nodded in understanding. She would do anything in the world to get this baby boy. There was something special about him-a spark of some sorts. It could be that his eyes remained her of Elliot's, a pale blue with little flecks of darker shades of blue. Or it could be that his nose looked exactly like hers. Maybe it was his chubby cheeks. She had no clue what it was, but there was something different about this little boy.

"You promise that you'll help me with this?" She asked with a bit of a pouty face.

How was he supposed to resist that?

"I swear".

They both took a moment to watch the now sleeping Hudson. He looked so peaceful. Luckily he had no clue how much loss he had suffered in such a short amount of time.

Elliot regretfully glanced down at his watch. It was getting late, which meant they had to take him soon.

"Liv" He said softly. She could hear the remorse in his voice.

"I know" Was all she had to say.

"Do you want me to take him?" He offered, knowing that making her do it herself was borderline cruelty.

"Yeah".

"We'll work this out".

 **AN: Sooooooooo? I also forgot to mention in the first note that Elliot is actually still with Kathy in this one and that Eli is on the way, just like in the series. Don't worry, I've got a plan for that.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you so much for the wonderful response to this story so far! I can't believe that you all like it so much. I know that some of you aren't loving how sad it is, but I promise that after this chapter, it gets much happier! I just hope none of you want to hurt me too bad after this. To my guest reviewer, I swear to God that I had no clue. I don't think it'll be too much of an issue considering that this story isn't really going to take the same path as far as I know. Thank you for telling me though. I really appreciate it. This chapter has a lot less dialogue than I'm used to. Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing blah blah blah**

Kathy hadn't tried to get him to open up to her in months. She had learned long ago that there was only one person that could get Elliot to open up, and it wasn't her. He was late, again, but she refused to say anything about it. It would only cause another fight. That's all they seemed to do lately. One of them would point out something annoying that the other did and have at it.

She watched him undress and step into the shower. He used to invite her in. If he didn't, she would invite herself in. All of that was gone now. They were basically two people that shared a room that just happened to be having another baby together. Their child was a blessing, but it was also the only reason that Elliot came home. Kathy knew that deep down. He would never admit it, but they both knew that there was somewhere else he rather be.

Their children would always come first. If they had to stay together to keep their family together, so be it. She wished that Elliot knew that he could talk to her. Even if their marriage wasn't the happiest, she still wanted to be his friend.

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Elliot tried to relax under the stream of hot water. The world's ability to suck never ceased to amaze him. Taking Hudson out of Olivia's arms had been enough of a challenge. Tears brimmed in his partners eyes as the baby wailed. It was like it had physically hurt to separate them. Elliot was sure that he had heard Olivia's heart crack. He refused to look back at her as he made his way to the door. There was no way that Hudson would have made it to the shelter if he had.

The water was starting to cool down, which meant his time was up. He sighed and stepped out into the cool crisp air of the bathroom. With the towel wrapped snuggly around his waist, he made his way into the bedroom. Kathy was laying in bed with a magazine in hand. She was waiting for him. They remained silent as he put on a fresh pair of boxers and crawled in to bed.

Much to his wife's surprise, Elliot put one arm around her and gently rested his opposite hand on her swollen belly. Their child had a habit of kicking up a storm during the late hours and he needed to feel it right now.

"She'll probably start if you talk to her" Kathy advised.

They had discussed the baby's gender several times. Kathy swore that it was a girl. Elliot on the other hand thought it was a boy. It was what he felt in his gut.

"Alright, what should I say to him?"

Kathy rolled her eyes. Of course he would refuse to accept the fact that she was right. Well, probably right. They wouldn't know the sex for another two weeks.

"I don't know, El. There isn't a script so you'll have to improvise".

Elliot allowed his hand to rub over her stomach while he thought of what to say.

"Hi there. I hope you're enjoying it in there, but not too much. I can't wait to see you. I love you".

Much to his excitement, the baby started kicking. A bright smile formed on Elliot's face as he took in the feeling. He had gone through three pregnancies previously, but each time felt like the first time. It was magical.

As the baby settled, his thoughts found their way back to his partner. He felt guilty. She was probably at home, depressed while he laid in bed with his wife, talking to the baby. Olivia deserved to experience the joys of motherhood more than anyone else. Life could be so unfair.

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Olivia sat in her living room staring at the screen of her laptop. Somehow she found herself on the website for Toys R Us. It was even crazier that she was now looking at baby clothes.

It had been seven years, and she hadn't forgiven herself. She closed her laptop and set it aside. Then she went into her bedroom and opened the closet. A shoe box sat off to the side. She grabbed it and took out the only thing in there, a picture. Her fingers ghosted over the black and white picture from her last sonogram. Her son. She didn't care what anyone said. Deep down, she knew that it was a boy. It was too early to tell at the time anyway.

Tears made their way down her cheeks as she further examined her child. She was three months along when it happened. Cragen had just told her about Serena's death when she felt a sharp pain in her lower abdomen. She was waiting to tell everyone in the squad until she knew the gender. Besides, she was barely showing. Cragen had ordered her to go home and take as much time as she needed to handle the funeral and grieve, so she didn't bother telling him then either. It had only happened once and the pain wasn't too bad. so going home had seemed like the best option.

Hours later, she sat at the table making phone calls. Luckily Serena had handled most of the arrangements, leaving Olivia with very little work. Suddenly another, more intense pain struck her. Olivia felt like vomitting at the memory. There had been a lot of blood when she went to the bathroom. The drive to the hospital was a blur. There was nothing that she could have done. At least that's what the doctor had told her. He didn't know that she had been on the field throughout the whole pregnancy. Hell, the father didn't even know about the pregnancy. At first, she had felt guilty and selfish for not telling Brian about their baby. However, Cassidy was immature and they weren't even serious. Their "relationship" consisted of random nights together when things got to be too heavy at work. The last thing she wanted was for him to be with her just because he knocked her up. Fast forward seven years and she knew it was for the best. At least he didn't have to deal with the pain of what could have been.

She had been out of work for almost two weeks. Elliot called her every single day at the exact same time. Somehow she convinced him that she was depressed about her mother's passing. To be honest, her mother's death was over-shadowed by the loss of her baby boy. She and Serena had never had a close relationship anyway. Olivia felt justified in using her mother's death as an excuse. Serena used Olivia as an excuse to drink herself to death, literally. It was a vicious cycle.

Olivia was fully sobbing now. She only allowed herself to look at the picture on the anniversary, but today was different. She felt like she had lost her son all over again. There was something about Hudson that made him stick out in her mind. They had a special connection.

The problem was that she wanted to be hopeful, but she wouldn't let herself. There was no guarantee that she'd be allowed to foster the boy, or even see him again. All she could do was hope and pray for some sort of mercy.

 **AN: So, how was it? I hope there wasn't any confusion with the Olivia section. If so, let me know and I'll kindly explain it :) Do you think it's time to cut her a break?**


	3. Chapter 3

AN: HELLO ALL! I'm so sorry for not updating this sooner. I currently have a computer problem...meaning that I don't have one that works. I'm updating from my tablet, so please excuse me if the format is funky or any random little mistakes occurs.I wasn't sure how to take this chapter, but I got it to where I need it to be. So my loves,have patience because it's only the third chapter. Things will get better, I promise! Hope you enjoy and please give me some feedback!

Also, for anyone that has messaged me recently, I am not ignoring you! I have been having so many technical difficulties lately. I promise that I will get back to you and catch up on everyone's stories ASAP.

Disclaimer: I don't own law and order svu and we all know that.

"Elliot!" Kathy yelled from her spot on the couch. "Elliot, I need you" She called for what felt like the millionth time. She needed a drink, but there was no way in hell that she was getting off that couch. It had taken so long to get comfortable and she wasn't about to ruin it. The kids had already left for school, leaving Elliot as her caregiver until he left for work.

"I'm coming, I'm coming. Apple juice?" He asked as he jogged down the steps.

"Yes please".

A moment later, he handed her a tall class of apple juice and bowl of her most recent craving, Captain Crunch with a spoonful of peanut butter mixed in. He personally thought it was a disgusting creation, but she loved it.

"Thank you! Why don't you sit and watch some old cartoons with me?" She offered, knowing the he wouldn't have to leave for another hour and a half. She wanted to spend some time with her husband, even if it was something simple.

"Sorry Kath, I have to go in early today".

She tilted her head, he never "had" to go in early. There were many nights when he would come home late or get called in at obscure times, but his phone hadn't rung all morning. He was lying to her, and she didn't like it one bit.

"Why?" It was such a simple question, but it threw him for a loop. He hadn't anticipated her questioning him. She usually just gave him a kiss and said have a nice day.

"I um... I'm super behind on paperwork and the captain asked me to get a move on it". It was such a lame excuse, but it was the best he could think of. He didn't like lying to her, but he knew that she would freak if he told her where he was actually going.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with your work wife, would it?" She stared him in the eyes while she asked. It was more of a taunt than an actual question. She knew exactly where he was going and there was no way that he could convince her otherwise.

"Kathy"

"No, El. Don't you see that she's part of our problem?"

"Leave her out of this" He demanded. He could feel his temper starting to boil. How dare she blame Olivia for their problems?

"I can't Elliot! Not when you lie to me about your work just so you can go see her!"

"I wouldn't have to lie to you if you didn't get angry every time" He shot back.

"So this is my fault?"

" I'm not saying that, I'm just saying that you need to calm down. Yesterday was really rough on Liv and I just want to make sure she's okay".

Kathy had visibly calmed down, but he knew that she was still angry.

"Why does it always have to be you? Why can't someone else check on her?"

Elliot just shook his head, not believing the insensitivity of his wife. He wordlessly grabbed his keys and left, not bothering to look back.

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"Liv, open up, it's Elliot" He begged for the third time. He had been standing outside of her apartment door for ten minutes. His key was for emergencies only, but he was starting to become very concerned. Olivia should have been awake by now, and he hadn't done anything to make her angry. He sighed and took out the key, using it for the very first time.

She wasn't in the living room or kitchen, and he didn't hear the shower running. Her bedroom door was open. Would be an invasion of privacy if he looked in there? What if she had done something crazy and needed help? On the other hand, she might be pissed if he walked in on her changing or something. Oh well. He needed to make sure she was safe.

At first glance, there was no sign of her. Then he walked around her bed. She was laying on the floor in front of the closet. He crouched down next to her to look for any cuts or bruises, but she seemed okay. He noticed a picture held firmly in the hand that rested on her chest. Being a detective, his curiosity was through the roof. He had to look at it. He carefully loosened her grasp until he was able to wiggle the picture it out. He glanced down at it. His heart started to pound in his chest, but then he saw the date.

"Oh Liv".

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Olivia awoke with a splitting headache. It was comparable to a hangover headache, but not quite as bad. Her whole body hurt and she could tell that it was going to be a rough day. She sat up and stretched, trying to convince her body that it was time to be productive. The smell of coffee was so strong and tempting that it made the idea of leaving bed a little more bearable.

"Good morning" Elliot greeted from the couch. Olivia jumped and he couldn't help but chuckle. She hadn't been expecting him in her apartment.

"You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"But I made you coffee".

She shook her head at him, but smiled. He knew how to keep her from getting mad. There were days when she wanted to punch him in the face, but she never would. He was her best friend.

"Arg!" She groaned when she reached up to grab a mug out of her cabinet. Her back and shoulders were killing her.

"That's why we don't sleep on floors".

Olivia narrowed her eyes at him, silently asking what he meant.

"You were sleeping on your floor when I got here. It didn't look too comfy so I put you in your bed".

"Oh...thanks".

Then it hit her: the picture, the crying, and the pain. She hadn't seen the picture anywhere when she woke up.

"Liv, can I ask you something?" Elliot asked as he stood from the couch.

She nodded and waited.

"What's this" He held up the picture from the sonogram.

She felt the tears returning to her eyes. How could he?

She snatched it out of his hands. She was furious.

"Get out of my apartment,NOW".

AN: Do you think Liv is justified in kicking him out? Should she cut him a break? Please give me some feedback, love ya'll!


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Thank you so much for the incredible amount of support that you all have given. I can't believe that so many people actually like where this is going! I know there were a few things that I need to fix, but I will do that soon. I'm not changing the title because I think that it fits. I wish I could thank all of you individually, but most of you are guest. So please know that I am super thankful!

I happen to like what goes down in this chapter, but I hope that everyone will understand what is meant by it. I was very careful with my wording in order to keep the rating I have, if you know what I mean ;) Let me know if there's any questions!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own law and order SVU.

"Liv, please. I just want to know what happened".

She bit her lip and looked at her partner. Elliot would never go out of his way to hurt her. Sure, he was nosey and over protective, but he just didn't understand how hard this was for her. She had never told anyone about her baby, and she never expected anyone to find out.

"Fine. Sit down. You're not going to get the full story, but you'll have to deal with it".

Elliot nodded and sat down at her kitchen table. Olivia day across from him and sighed. She really didn't want to tell him about it. He would flip when she told him who the father was.

"You have to promise that you'll keep your opinions to yourself" She warned.

He nodded and waited for her to begin.

"I found out that I was pregnant a few weeks after I ended the fling with Cassidy".

She watched Elliot's mouth twitch a little, but he managed to keep it shut.

"I experienced a few sharp pains the day my mother died. I went to the hospital that night, the doctor said that I had lost the baby".

"I'm so sorry" He whispered.

She managed to keep it as black and white as possible, as if she were talking about a case.

"Is that why you're so attached to Hudson?" He asked.

She nodded, but then shook her head. "I don't know how to explain it, but there's something special about that boy. When I was holding him, it felt like I was holding my baby for the first time. When you took him last night, I felt like I had lost my baby all over again".

Elliot didn't know what to say. He could tell that they had a special connection, but if he pointed that out, would she feel worse? He had never experienced a loss like this. It was even harder to proceed because he knew that she was trying to remain as detached as possible.

"Liv, I wish I knew that to say. Did the doctor say anything about the pregnancy?"

She looked confused, so he elaborated.

"Are you physically able to get pregnant again?" He noticed her physical response, tense muscles and a set jaw. He couldn't blame her though, it was a very personal question about a sensitive topic.

"I-I don't know. I never asked". She started to toy with her hands. It was a distraction. Expression of emotion wasn't really their thing. Sure, they had vented to each other over the years, but nothing had been this serious. Elliot felt very out of his element, but he'd do anything for Olivia.

"Don't you think that's important to know? You might be able to try again". She shook her head at him. Her expression looked like anger mixed with a splash of disbelief. Had he said something wrong?

"I already lost one baby. I never want to go through that again. It's been years, but it still feels like it was only yesterday..."

He carefully reached out and laid his hand on top of hers. It was a small gesture, but she found it extremely comforting. They never broke the touch barrier like this. The warmth of his skin was new to her, but she definitely did not mind it.

"Liv, I can only imagine your pain, but you can't let that stop you. There's always a chance that things won't work out, but you have to think about the payoff if it does work. You deserve all the happiness in the world".

She retracted her hand to wipe away the few tears that had slipped out.

"Are you saying that I shouldn't try to get Hudson?"

"God no, I just want you to know that it's not too late for the old-fashioned way. I thought you wanted a couple of kids anyway". He thought that fostering Hudson was a wonderful idea, but if she wanted to experience the whole process, she still could.

"The old-fashioned way requires a few things that I don't have".

Unfortunately, his filter couldn't keep him from saying "Yeah, but I have them". By the time he realized that it actually came out, it was too late for him to take it back. Olivia was up and pacing the room, refusing to make eye contact with him. The silence was killing him, but it was her move now. He put it out there unexpectedly and she needed to digest it.

"You can't be serious" She said once she stopped walking.

"Liv, I-"

"No, Elliot! You have a wife and a family! I would never do that to them, and nether would you".

"Would you relax?" He practically yelled. "I didn't mean that I'd up and leave my family. I don't even know what I meant exactly".

She sighed and sat down across from him once more.

"Let's just pretend that this part of the conversation didn't happen... At least for now".

He nodded in agreement. So many things had to change before they could actually consider that. Part of him wanted to go back and time and prevent him from even suggesting it, but the other part was happy that didn't exactly say no.

"So what's the next step with Hudson?"

Elliot shrugged. "I guess we'll find out when we meet with Judge Linden at ten".

Her eyes widened. "Ten? Today? That's in 45 minutes!"

"I guess you better get ready then".

AN: I hope you liked his little slip up there! I know I did.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Hello all! I'm sorry that this took a little longer to update. I wound up hating what I originally wrote for this chapter so I rewrote it. Just a quick little note to help out with any potential confusion: this chapter is three days after the previous chapter. I know that's not normal, but please keep in mind that this is indeed fiction. Please let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: I don't own law and order svu

"Why can't this stuff be easier to put together?" She groaned. She threw the screwdriver across the room and crossed her arms. Since her meeting with Judge Linden the other day went incredibly well, Hudson's caseworker was scheduled to do a home visit in two hours. She had been given three days to get everything together, which was far from conventional. The whole process took a lot longer for most people, but it turns out that Judge Linden grew up with Elliot's mother. Olivia felt rushed, but she knew that a lot of people would want to foster a new born like Hudson. She just prayed that she could get everything together in time.

As time went by, it was becoming increasingly difficult to put the crib together. Her hands were shaking and the amount of sweat that had accumulated on her forehead disgusted her. Who knew that putting a nursery together in three days would be difficult?

She felt like she had stuck out like a sore thumb when she purchased everything. The cashier looked at her like she was crazy for buying everything at once. Most women had a baby shower to help with the spending, but her situation was different. The only friend that knew about her potential foster son was Elliot, and he was sworn to secrecy. She couldn't handle the pity that her coworkers were sure to give her if things didn't work out. The captain hadn't even asked her what was going on when she requested the rest of the week tried to focus on the positive, how great things would be like Elliot suggested. It was hard though when life hadn't been too upbeat for her.

The thought alone made her nauseas...Or maybe it was the fact that she hadn't had a thing to eat in the last 24 hours. Either way, she still had to get the crib together, dust, take a shower, and vacuum. How was she supposed to get everything done in two hours?

Calling Elliot didn't sound like such a bad idea, except for the fact that she considered that accepting defeat.

"Fine" she sighed to herself. Losing her chance to be a mommy was far worse than asking for help.

She grabbed her phone and rang Elliot.

"Hey, El. Do you think that you could sneak out of work for a bit and help me put the crib together?"

"Is that Benson?" Munch mouthed, earning a silencing finger from Elliot.

"Yeah, I'll come up with something". Both Munch and Fin were looking at him now.

"Thank you so much! I'm going to hop in the shower, so let yourself in".

"Will do. I'll be there in twenty or so".

Munch and Fin shared a knowing look. Elliot never rushed out when Kathy called, so it had to be Olivia. It wasn't like her to just take off work, thus both men assumed that she was too ill to move.

"Tell Benson to feel better" Munch yelled as Elliot made his way to the captain's office.

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"How'd you get that done so fast?" Olivia asked as she peaked into the nursery. She had just finished cleaning the rest of her apartment and decided to check Elliot's progress. Not only had he put the crib together, but he put the mattress in and put the bedding on it.

"I've put a few of these together before" He reminded.

He caught her staring at the crib, knowing that she hadn't heard a word he said. He set his hand on her shoulder, bringing her out of her daze.

"Tell me". It came out sounding more demanding than he meant it, but she understood.

"I just don't believe that this is real... If everything goes well, I'll have Hudson for a full year and then I can do the papers to adopt him. I've never come this close".

"You deserve it, Liv" He reassured. "Have you eaten today?" He asked changing the subject before he said too much like he had the other night.

"Oh, I completely forgot".

He gave her an incredulous look.

"How do you manage to forget about eating?"

"Well I'm excited and a nervous wreck at the same time. Food isn't my top priority".

Elliot wordlessly walked out of the nursery, confusing Olivia.

She followed him down the hall and into her kitchen.

"The caseworker isn't going to be here for another twenty minutes, you have time to eat".

Olivia rolled her eyes, but decided to let him have his way. Mostly because she could use the distraction.

"Alright. I went to the store yesterday, so you can make me something quick like grilled cheese".

Elliot dramatically gasped and placed his hand over his heart.

"Who are you and what have you done with Olivia Benson?"

She swatted his arm and pushed him towards her fridge.

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3 Hours Later

Elliot looked down at his ringing cell phone. Munch and Fin were staring at him once again, so he excused himself to an empty interrogation room to take the call.

His heart was beating loudly and his hands were clammy Who knew that it was possible to be so nervous for someone else?

"Liv, how'd it go?"

All he could hear was heavy breathing and an occasional whimper.

"Liv? What's going on?" He was beginning to worry.

"C-can you come over?" She choked out. Then she began to sob. He could hear her gasping, trying to control herself.

"Oh Liv" he sighed. The sound of her crying was almost too much for him. "I'll be there as soon as I can".

AN: Don't kill me! Let me know what you think.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Hey y'all! Sorry I haven't updated this in a while. I'm not going to come up with an excuse for it either. Anyone that writes on here knows what it feels like when you hate every single thing you write for a while. Speaking of hate, please don't hate me after this. I know where I'm going with it and I think you will all like it, so have faith.

Disclaimer: I do not own law and order SVU.

Elliot prepared himself for the worst. Crying and gasping for breath weren't associated with good news. Olivia Benson could easily be considered the strongest woman in his life, which meant things had to be pretty bad for her to call him, sobbing.

The constant ringing of his cell phone was not helping. He had already ignored three calls, but it was pretty obvious that the caller was not going to give up.

"What?" He asked as calmly as he could possibly manage, knowing exactly who it was.

"Where are you? And don't say the station because I already called Fin and he said that you left twenty minutes ago" Kathy warned.

He wanted to punch Fin in the face for ratting him out.

"Well, where are you?" Kathy pressed. "So you're not going to answer, is that it?".

Elliot's anger with Fin flew right out the window. Kathy was persistent and the fellow detective probably told her just to get her off his back.

"I just got to Olivia's building" He admitted.

"Okay...we need to sit down and talk when you get home".

He was about to say something, but she had hung up on him.

He didn't know if it was better to knock or to just use his key. She had called him and asked him to come over, it wasn't like he was stopping by unannounced. On the other hand, would she be mad if he just walked in without warning? Normally it wouldn't be a big deal either way, but she was emotional and he had been yelled at by women enough for one week. He pushed his doubts aside and used his key.

It was hard to see in her apartment. It was mid-afternoon, but all of her blinds were closed and the curtains blocked every single ray of sunlight from getting in.

"Liv? Olivia" Elliot called as he made his way into her bedroom.

"Where are you?" He asked. He wandered down the hall again and noticed that the nursery door was cracked open.

"Liv" He sighed.

She was standing over the empty crib with slumped shoulders and her head hung.

"I shouldn't have listened to you" She said without turning towards him. "I wouldn't be in this much pain if I had just ignored you. I could have cried for a few nights and gotten over it. I would have tucked it away until next year. Now I just-I feel... I don't even know how to explain it".

Elliot didn't know what to say. He had been so certain that it would work out. She was loving, caring, and anyone with eyes could see her passion.

"What happened?" He thought out loud.

"What happened?" She mocked as she turned around. "What happens every time, El? I got so close and then BAM, I'm shot down".

Elliot reached out to place a hand on her shoulder, but she swatted it away.

"Don't blame me for this. I encouraged you to go for it because if you didn't, you might have missed your chance".

Olivia crossed her arms over her chest and blew passed him.

"Apparently, there was a couple that had been waiting for a baby boy to foster and then of course adopt for about a year. Not only did their marriage make them more qualified, but the fact that they live in the upper east side and already have a nanny picked out is just the cherry on top. There's nothing that Judge Linden could do... They'll get to foster him for a year and then adopt him so they're a perfect little family".

It wasn't like Olivia to be this bitter, but she had every right to be. She had been screwed over by the world once again.

"Liv, I'm so sorry. The case worker should have told you sooner".

"Well, she only started last week".

Elliot looked at his partner. He could see the black around her eyes from her smeared make up. He wished that he could make it better.

"Come on, Liv. Let's go. I'm buying you a drink".

Olivia offered him a small smile when he handed her a tissue to wipe away the remains of her make up.

"Okay...but like you said, it's your treat".

"I didn't mean to make it sound like I was blaming you earlier" Olivia started after taking a long swig of her third beer. "I just should have known better".

"Liv, you need to stop talking like that. The world isn't out to get you. You are an incredible woman and I bet you'll be the best mom, when it's supposed to happen".

Olivia felt her cheeks redden at the compliment, but she really didn't feel any better.

"Hudson was special, El. There was something about him...like he was meant to be mine".

Elliot's cell phone started ringing. Olivia waited for him to answer it, but he never did.

"Why didn't you get that?" She asked.

"Because it's Kathy". He downed the rest of his beer and motioned to the bartender to get him another one.

Olivia gave him a confused look.

"Oh that's right, I haven't told you about the latest drama. She's been keeping tabs on me. She calls the station to see if I'm there when I don't answer the phone".

"I'm sorry, El. It sounds like neither of us have had fabulous weeks so far. Wanna do a some shots?" She offered.

She knew that drinking was never the answer, but at the moment, she didn't care. They were both down in the dumps and they needed to forget about their problems for a while.

"Yeah, sure. Let me turn off my phone first".

"What if Kathy calls again? She's about ready to pop, she could go into labor any moment" Olivia pointed out.

"I just can't take anymore of her questioning. I swear this pregnancy has turned her into some creature that just wants to fight me".

Olivia didn't hesitate at all when the bartender placed a shot in front of her. It was gone before Elliot could even pick his up.

"God, Liv. Slow down. I'm trying to catch up".

"Just don't complain to me about your wife's pregnancy".

Elliot closed his eyes and was ready to kick himself. "I'm sorry".

"It's alright...I'm just trying to pretend that the last few days never happened".

AN: Please let me know what you think, but try to keep it PG. I can't wait to hear from you. Love y'all!


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Hey y'all! I'm sorry I didn't update this sooner, but I have been experiencing computer issues for months now. The good news is that I FINALLY got a new computer, making this a lot easier on me. Thank you so much for all of the support so far; it means the world to me.**

 **I feel like the tone of this chapter differs from the rest, so hopefully you'll like it. Let me know how you feel! Love y'all!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the show or the characters.**

"What happened?" Kathy asked with her arms crossed over her chest. Elliot never showed up the previous night and for the first few hours, she had been genuinely concerned. Once it reached the fourth hour, she was secretly hoping that he was already dead so she wouldn't have to do the deed herself. As usual, she knew that he wasn't at the precinct. His excuse had to be flawless or else she was going to kick him in the privates.

"I uh...I uh" He stuttered. He sighed and closed his eyes for a brief second. The truth. He had to tell her the truth.

"Look Kath, I don't want to lie to you, but will you please hear me out before you start screaming?"

The look on her face screamed no, but she reluctantly nodded.

"I was at Olivia's" He started. Kathy opened her mouth to say something, but he put his hand up. "You agreed to hear me out" He reminded. "We went out for drinks yesterday and I had a little too much so I crashed there".

"So you want me to okay with the fact that _my_ husband, no no, my _drunk_ husband slept at his female partner's house? Yeah, okay" She rolled her eyes.

"Come on Kathy, you yelled at me for lying and now I'm getting crap because I told the truth. Nothing happened. I slept on the couch" He reassured.

"I don't think you get it, Elliot. I have every right to be mad. You were out with another woman last night and then _stayed_ there. Of course you're going to claim that nothing happened, but we're kidding ourselves, Elliot. We both know that you want something to happen". Kathy saw the lack of shock on his face, only proving her point further.

Elliot cleared his throat. That hadn't gone well at all. "What did you want to talk about last night?" He asked, choosing to move forward.

"I thought we could sit down and look at our options for marriage counseling, but the more I think about it, the less I want to do it. Are we even worth fixing, Elliot?" She wondered.

"I don't know anymore…" He honestly answered. The sat in silence far longer than either of them were comfortable with. Kathy sighed and sat down on the couch, followed by Elliot.

"I have an appointment tomorrow, can you take me?" She quietly asked.

"Yeah...I'll get you there".

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"Good morning" Olivia greeted her partner, throwing him off guard. He had only seen her a few short hours ago at her apartment, but considering he left there around 4 am, she might not have been awake enough to remember it. He had gone into her room to tell her that he was leaving, but she had simply waved and mumbled a goodbye. She looked up from the file she was holding and saw his facial expression, frowning in response.

"Is everything alright?" She asked, concerned for her best friend.

"No, but I'll fill you in at lunch".

She nodded and returned to her work, trying to focus on the case of a missing fifteen year old. The girl, Jessica Zeck, was last seen in a bookstore she frequented a few blocks away from her house. After getting the names of all the employees, Olivia noticed a name that stuck out to her, Gabriel Howard. They arrested him six years ago for the sexual assault of a minor. She hoped that he would be dumb enough to take her to a place that was significant to him, making this an easy case. She filled Elliot in, although he seemed rather distracted.

"Why are we still here if we have everything we need?" He complained, walking away while she was mid-sentence.

John gave Olivia a look and she shrugged. She wasn't a fan of working with detective moody all day, but she would grin and bare it. He had been there for her within the last week, so she could deal with him.

"Liv, let's go!" He called from down the hall.

It wouldn't kill her.

"Today?"

Or would it?

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"Good job, partner" Olivia congratulated as they sat down at their usual diner. The case hadn't been as easy as she had wanted, but it was still much better than others they had worked. Gabriel had taken Jessica to his parent's lake house in upstate New York. Thankfully, they got there right before he was about to force himself on Jessica, saving her. Elliot hadn't said a word the whole ride back to the station. She wasn't the only one that noticed that he was having an off day. Cragen had told Munch and Fin to handle the interrogation while she and Elliot got lunch. Of course Elliot wasn't happy that his boss kept him from getting a confession out of the guy, but Olivia knew that any little thing could set him off.

"Hello detectives, what can I get you two today?" The kind waitress, Candice asked. She had seen the duo on numerous occasions. She probably even knew what they wanted, but she had to ask. Olivia always tipped her a little extra, remembering how much it sucked to be a waitress in the city from her college days.

"I'll have a chicken Caesar salad and he'll have a bacon cheeseburger, medium" Olivia ordered. Elliot shot her a look and she ignored it until Candice walked away.

"What?"

"You just assumed that you knew what I wanted" He deadpanned.

"You have gotten the same thing for years" She retorted.

He folded his arms over his chest and huffed. "What if I wanted to try something new tonight?"

"Stop it" She demanded. "You have been in a crappy mood all day and treating me like this isn't going to help.

He sighed. She was right. He needed to stop. "I'm sorry" He mumbled.

A wide grin spread across her face. He rarely admitted that he was wrong.

"It's alright. Now, why don't you tell me what happened? Get a woman's perspective?" She offered.

"Kathy asked me if our marriage was worth saving".

Olivia didn't know what to say.

"I didn't have an answer for her".

Olivia had no clue that things had gotten that bad between the two. That and the fact that he left out the whole 'Olivia is ruining our marriage' thing out didn't give her much to work with.

"Wow. El, I'm sorry… Are you going to try?"

"I don't know" He answered honestly. "I mean, she's the mother of my children. I just, I don't know".

Olivia nodded. She understood what he meant. Well, kind of.

"What about you?" He asked, remembering that he wasn't the only one dealing with crap.

She bit her lip and looked away. She was hoping that he wouldn't ask. "It was rough this morning" She answered honestly like he had. "I walked by the nursery and it all came back. It hurts" She admitted. She felt his hand on hers, sending shockwaves through her body. She turned to look at him and saw the concern in his eyes.

"Liv, I promise you, something will work out. I know you wanted Hudson, but I promise, your day will come".

She gave him a small smile and a quiet thanks. Candice came back with their food, ending all conversation.

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*The Next Morning*

They had caught another case right after lunch the day before, keeping them at the station overnight. Elliot was relieved to hear that Kathy wasn't totally pissed at him since he called her from the station to tell her that he would be working late. Now he found himself in the car with Munch, heading to upstate New York once again, but this time he was going to stop a man from committing suicide. It wasn't until they were halfway there that Elliot realized that Kathy would need to get another ride to her appointment. He called Fin, but he had been out canvassing for another case. He knew that his only option was Olivia. His wife would be pissed, but hopefully it was better than missing the appointment all together. Besides, as far as Olivia knew, everything was fine between the two women.

Kathy Stabler waited for her husband to come get her. She wasn't going to call and remind him, he knew that she'd kill him if he forgot. This was his last chance to do the right thing, whether he knew it or not. A knock on the door tore her from her thoughts. She opened the door and thought for a second that she would pass out.

"Hey, Kathy. Elliot is tied up with a case and asked me to take you to your appointment. Are you ready to go?" Olivia sweetly asked. Kathy wanted to punch her in the face, How dare she show up to help her and be so perfect?

"Um yeah" Was all Kathy could get out.

Unfortunately, the doctor's office was close to 45 minutes away. The first ten minutes had been spent in awkward silence. Kathy could feel the anger bubbling in her chest the whole time. Elliot spent so much time with Olivia doing God knows what, and then he has the nerve to send Saint Benson to take her to the doctor's. Was he nuts?

"How are you feeling?" Olivia asked, attempting to break the ice.

"How's my husband?" Kathy shot back with a glare. She had no clue what came over her, but she figured that she might as well put it out there.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Olivia asked, completely thrown off.

"You know what I mean, Olivia, so cut the crap. My husband has been lying and sneaking around to spend time with you. So, you tell me, what do I mean by that?"

Olivia stopped the car when they reached a red light and looked at Kathy.

"Come on, Olivia, tell me. What's going on with you and Elliot?"

"Nothing. Elliot is my partner and as we both know, married. I would never try anything".

"Yeah right. You're all he ever worries about. He defends you before he defends himself. I do believe that you two weren't doing anything the last few years, but recently...things have changed. Are you so desperate that you'd ruin someone's marriage to make yourself happy?"

Olivia's jaw dropped. She felt tears forming in her eyes. She wouldn't cry. She hadn't done anything wrong. The sound of a horn brought her attention back to the light, which had turned green. She hit the gas and kept going, refusing to let Kathy's accusation get to her. She was going to take her to the appointment, but only because that was her best friend's baby.

"Look, I just want to know the truth. Elliot won't tell me, so will you?"

Olivia clenched her jaw. Screw it. "You want the truth? Well Kathy, whether you believe it or not, nothing is going on with Elliot and I. He's been coming over so much lately because I needed his help. I was putting a nursery together so I could foster a newborn that reminded me of the son I lost seven years ago and because of my inexperience, Elliot helped. Just like most other things in my life, it didn't work out so Elliot came with me to the bar so I could drink away the pain. He;s been a very good friend to me, and nothing more. Honestly, I'm now mad at him because he never told me that you were mad because of me".

Kathy refused to looked at her. She felt so guilty. For some reason, she fully believed Olivia.

"Are you happy now?" Olivia practically yelled.

They were stopped at yet another light. Kathy tried to think of something to say, but she knew that she had already dug herself too deep. The light turned green and they went forward once more.

Kathy was on the verge of tears. Elliot had been telling the truth, but why hadn't he told her all of this from the start? As a mother of four, and one on the way, Kathy would have been able to relate to the situation a little better. However, she still knew that whether the detectives knew it or not, there was something more between them. Kathy started, "Olivia, I didn't-"

There was a loud bang, and the car jerked to the left. Then it all went dark.

 **AN: Dun. Dun. DUUUUUUNNN. Feedback is greatly appreciated.**


	8. Chapter 8

**An: I updated this as soon as possible! Just a reminder: this story is far from over. In fact, I feel like this chapter is a bit of a new beginning, if that makes any sense at all. Thank you all for your support! I didn't follow the episode Paternity that much, but enough where I guess there are some spoilers if you haven't seen it. Love y'all!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order SVU or the characters.**

Olivia's radio banged into the window of the car over, and over, and over again. After several blows, a crack formed in the middle of the glass.

" _Just a few more, Olivia. You can do this"_ Olivia encouraged herself, feeling the burn in her arms. Why wasn't there training for this kind of situation in the academy? She had seen some ridiculous questions during her college days, so 'What do you do when a car hits you and your partner's pregnant wife?' didn't seem like too crazy of a question.

The glass finally shattered, giving Olivia a tight way out. With the last bit of upper body strength she could muster, Olivia climbed out of the car. Help was on the way, but they needed to hurry. Kathy was still unconscious and although Olivia was not a medical expert, she doubted that was good for the baby.

"Ma'am we need you to step away from the car" A medic ordered as he jogged towards the vehicle.

"Detective Olivia Benson, Manhattan Special Victims Unit" She said, flashing her badge. He nodded and made his way to the passenger side.

"How long has she been out?"

"At least five minutes now".

"What about the other driver?" The man asked.

She simply shrugged and watched as another medic ran over to check on him. Olivia watched as a couple more medics arrived along with a couple of Uni's. They didn't look like they were doing much of anything. Standing around wasn't going to help Kathy.

"What's going on?" Olivia asked, trying to stay calm.

"Well we have two problems, first of all, her legs are pinned, second, we can't do anything until the airbag is handled".

Olivia sighed and went back to the driver's side door, carefully getting one leg through the window.

"What are you doing?" The medic asked.

"Something, since none of you are".

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*3 Hours Later*

Olivia stood with her back against the wall, awkwardly waiting for Elliot. Her shirt was soaked in blood and other fluids that she didn't care to think about, so she decided that going to the waiting room wasn't a good idea. When Elliot asked her to take Kathy to the doctor, she hadn't expected it to become such an ordeal. Exhausted. That was the most appropriate word to describe how she felt. She should have left, gone home to take a shower and sleep, but she wanted to see Elliot.

"Liv" Elliot called, jogging down the hall.

"El" She sighed. She reached her hand out, but quickly retracted it. He wasn't there for her.

"How are they?" He asked. He took a second to catch his breath.

"Why don't you go find out?" She suggested with a small smile. She pointed to the room his wife and newborn was in and watched as he walked away.

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Elliot stood in the doorway, watching as his wife slept. Her face was covered in little cuts and a bruise under her eye. Even though she had been nothing but crappy to him lately, he was glad she was okay. He noticed the lack of crib almost immediately. No one had filled him in yet, so he began to panic. Kathy began to stir and Elliot was right at her side.

"El" She whispered tiredly. He could tell that she was in pain.

"How are you feeling?" He questioned as he brushed some of her hair away from a particularly big cut.

"Like I was in an accident" She teased with the slightest smile. "The nurse took our son for a few minutes for a feeding, I was too tired to do it".

"Oh, well I was wondering-wait. Did you say our son?" He asked with a huge grin. Kathy had tears in her eyes as she nodded.

"You were right, we have another little boy". Kathy chuckled and wiped away some of her tears. "I hope you don't mind, but I decided on a name...Elliot Joseph Stabler Jr". Elliot smiled and nodded, eager to meet his child.

"Um...El, I know this probably isn't the best time for this, but we need to talk".

Elliot wasn't a fan of doing this now, but he knew that it was coming.

"I heard you out the other day, so I need you to hear me out. It's about Olivia...Don't give me that look, Elliot. I want to apologize. I accused you two so many times, and I was wrong. I could have died today...Should have. I said some pretty rude things to her and she still helped me. One of the nurses told me that she climbed back into the car because the medics couldn't get to me. Then she helped me give birth to Eli. She was the one that held him while I crashed not once, not twice, but three times. I am in debt to her forever because she made sure that my son made it to this world. I'm really sorry, I should have believed you".

Elliot reached down and kissed his wife on the cheek, unsure of what to say. 'I told you so' didn't seem like a wise decision though. He knew that Olivia would do anything to help someone in need, no matter how rude of a person they could be. She had a heart of gold, but he doubted his wife wanted to hear him gushing about it.

"However" Kathy continued. "Most of this mess could have been avoided if you hadn't acted so shady this week. Olivia told me-well more like told me off really, but she told me about a baby she could have fostered and something about a son she lost. She didn't go into detail really".

Elliot nodded once again, not willing to discuss the details since it wasn't his tale to tell. "It's not my job to tell other people her business, but I should have at least told you the truth, I'm sorry".

The door opened and the nurse rolled in the crib. "I hope I wasn't interrupting, but someone is quickly falling asleep" She said with a sweet smile.

Elliot reached down and carefully picked up his son for the first time. "Welcome to the world" He whispered. He watched in awe as his namesake yawned.

"Eli...I was thinking we could call him Eli".

Elliot liked that. It would be far less confusing. "Eli, I like that".

"We're not worth saving" Kathy confessed after a long moment of silence. "If we keep doing this, we're going to be unhappy our whole lives. It's fair to us, or the kids. They can see how miserable we are".

Elliot thought about what his wife said, and he couldn't disagree with her. "So what do we do about this?"

"Well, we have to tell the kids..."

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*20 minutes later*

Olivia still stood outside of Kathy's room, unsure of what to do. She didn't want to seem like a creep for waiting so long, but at the same time, she wanted to talk to Elliot. Her shirt was dried and crusty now, earning the attention of everyone that walked by. After the first few weird looks, Olivia managed to ignore the rest. Her phone was dead and her feet were killing her. Elliot could be in there for a few hours… It was time for her to leave.

"Liv, I'm glad you're here, you wanna hold the baby?" Elliot asked from the doorway. She eagerly nodded and followed him in.

"Here, take this" He offered, taking off his jacket and handing it to Olivia. She gratefully accepted it and zipped it up, covering the nastiness that was her shirt. She couldn't wait to throw it out.

"Olivia, I would like to formally introduce you to Elliot Jr, or Eli" Elliot said as he eased his son into her arms.

"We've met".

She chuckled when his tiny hand grasped her finger. The whole moment was bittersweet. Her mind tried to bring up images of Hudson, or the imaginary ones she had of her son, but she pushed them back. Eli was here, in her arms. He wasn't hers, but that didn't mean that she couldn't enjoy herself.

"I'm so sorry, Olivia. I should have known better than to think that you of all people would have an affair. I will always owe you for what you did today".

Olivia shook her head, "It's no big deal".

Elliot smiled when his son began to fuss.

"Do you want your momma? Here, here's your momma" Olivia cooed as she gave Eli to Kathy. "I think I'm going to head out",

Kathy nodded at Elliot, which didn't go unnoticed by Olivia.

"Let me drive you" He insisted.

She agreed, but mostly because she didn't feel like trying to wave down a cab wearing her gross and crusty shirt. The sooner she could shower and change, the better.

As soon as the door to Kathy's room was closed, Elliot's arms were around Olivia, holding her close to him. At first, the sudden embrace scared her, but she slowly relaxed into it and let her arms wrap around his neck. She could feel the warmth of his breath against her ear, making her feel like her skin was on fire. How could one hug do so much to her senses? The smell of his cologne filled her nose, practically giving her a high. He was letting go, or even loosening his hold on her.

"Thank you" He whispered into her ear. She faintly smiled and closed her eyes. The feeling of him was so unique and she wanted to remember this for years. He gave her one last firm squeeze before letting her go. She smiled when his arm wrapped around her shoulders as they walked down the hallway and into the elevator.

"Are you sure you want to take me home? I can just catch a cab. You should be here with Kathy and Eli".

"Relax, Kathy told me that she wants a little alone time with him. Besides, Maureen is bringing everyone else here when they get done school, which is about an hour from now".

"If you insist".

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"Thanks for the ride, El". Olivia opened the door to get out, but his hand on her arm stopped her.

"Do you mind if I come up for a few?"

Olivia thought about saying no, insisting that he go back to the hospital, but she couldn't. She wanted him to come up.

"Sure".

She unlocked her apartment and let him before her, watching as he plopped down on his makeshift bed from the other night, her couch.

"I'm gonna wash up quickly, what should I do with this?" She asked referring to his jacket.

"Don't worry about it, I'll wash it".

She shrugged it off and tossed it to him before heading into her bedroom.

"Hey, Liv" He said, earning her attention. "Did you let a doctor check you out?"

"Um...yeah" She lied, knowing that he knew the truth.

"Just promise me that if you notice something weird, you'll go get check out" He requested.

"I will".

She emerged a few minutes later with a fresh outfit on and found Elliot sitting on the couch, eating a sandwich. She noticed another one on the counter, so she grabbed it and sat down next to him.

"I was starving, I hope you don't mind".

"Nah, I'm just glad you made me one too. So, how's it feel being a dad to five now?"

"Great. I wouldn't be if it weren't for you though".

Olivia rolled her eyes and took another bite of her sandwich. "Don't be so dramatic. I didn't do anything".

"Liv, you climbed back into the car, gave Kathy an IV, helped her give birth, and then took care of Eli while Kathy crashed; I'd say you did quite a bit. I don't know if either of them would have made it without you".

"For some strange reason, the expression 'always a bridesmaid, never a bride' just popped into my head".

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know exactly" She started. "It's just crazy that I helped someone have their baby, but I can't have one myself". She was looking down and nervously playing with her hands, but Elliot cupped her face and lifted it so that they were eye to eye.

"It doesn't have to be that way".


	9. Chapter 9

**An: Hello! Thank you to everyone for all of the support! I really appreciate it. I can't wait for the next chapter. I am going to up the rating to T, just in case. I'm just being cautious. As always, I hope you enjoy it and please feel free to give some feedback. Love y'all!**

 **Disclaimer: We've gone over this...several times.**

" _It doesn't have to be that way"_

"Yes, it does, El" She sighed and pushed his hand away from her face. She could barely handle discussing the subject as it was, but his skin against hers only made it harder. "We can't sit here and act like it's a possibility. It's not fair to my sanity". She pushed herself up and off the couch and began to nervously pace the living room.

Elliot stood and managed to time it so that she practically walked into his arms. He held her tight, much like he had in the hospital hallway, but this time, one hand rested on the back of her head. She was getting worked up and he needed her to calm down before he spoke. Soothingly, his one hand rubbed her back in little circles while the other gently caressed the back of her neck, feeling how much tension she was carrying there. He could feel the collar of his shirt growing damp and the slight tremble of her body. Her tears were short lived, but he knew that she was still emotionally wrecked on the inside. Once her breathing returned to a steady beat, he loosened his hold on her.

"I promised you that I'd support you in this no matter what, but I refuse to sit back and watch you let your fears consume you. This is something you want, right?"

She nodded.

"Then you should have it" He concluded.

She sighed and stepped out of his embrace, needing the distance to think clearly. "I just...it's not just about what I want anymore, El".

"Liv, you've never let anything just be about what you want. What is the problem with wanting a child of your own? How could that possibly be so bad?" He questioned, feeling quite confident that she wouldn't have a good answer. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him as if he were crazy.

"Elliot" Was all that she could manage to say. The tears threatened to spill over again. She swiped at them, desperate to keep her emotions under control. "You and I both know why you can't help me with this. You are _married_ ".

"Listen, I know that this can't happen right now, but things are changing, Liv. Just promise me that you'll keep it in mind, okay? I have to head back to the hospital. Thank you, for everything". He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, noticing how red her face became.

She flopped down on the couch once he had closed the door behind him. She cradled her cheek, feeling her skin tingling there. Once the sensation died down, she let her hand fall. Her head was resting against the back of the couch as she finally let her eyes close.

" _What is the problem with wanting a child of your own?"_

" _...things are changing, Liv"_

His words haunted her. She knew that things were changing, and it scared her.

" _I refuse to sit back and watch you let your fears consume you"._

"Why are you so perfect?" She asked. Elliot would be the perfect man to have a child with, and that idea scared the hell out of her. There was too much at risk. She's always wanted a family of her own, but could she risk messing up her strongest relationship to get it? That, and she had no clue how it would work. Would he want to be a part of the child's life? Or would he expect her to handle everything? It was just too difficult to think about. The worst of it was that she still wanted to accept the offer, no matter what the consequences were. She was in love with Elliot Stabler. She denied it for years, but that didn't change how she felt,,,or his marital status. Having a family with him would fulfill her dreams, but life isn't a fairy tale. Happily ever afters didn't happen.

"What did I do to deserve this?" She questioned whoever it was that was slowly making her life more and more complicated.

" _...things are changing, Liv"._

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*2 Months Later*

Olivia sat on her couch, nursing a glass of wine and watching one of her all time favorite movies, Million Dollar Baby. She wrapped her blanket around her body a little tighter. fighting off the chill that took over her apartment. According to the building manager, the heating was out and wouldn't be fixed until the next morning at the earliest. Since the next day would be a Sunday, she seriously doubted that it would fixed until Monday.

A knock on her door took her attention away from the movie. She stood with the blanket still slung over her shoulders, refusing to give up her last bit of warmth, and answered the door.

"El" She greeted, not expecting to see him this weekend since they had some time off. The last case they closed had been rough on everyone. A twelve year old girl had been kidnapped, but they didn't get to her in time. She didn't make it.

"Hey, I was thinking we could watch some movies and eat junk food, but I'm not sure if that's a great idea anymore" He confessed.

"Why not?"

"It's freezing in your building! I can't feel my fingers and I've only been here for five minutes. How about we change it up? I'll take you somewhere you've never been before" He offered, intriguing her.

"Will you survive if I take a few minutes to change and put on some makeup so I at least look human?"

"Liv, you look beautiful without makeup, but sure. I'll wait, as long as you give me that blanket".

Olivia smiled at his compliment, but didn't allow herself to really accept it. He was probably just being nice. She took the blanket off and tossed it to Elliot,who was already on the couch and watching the movie. She stopped in front of the nursery and peaked inside, even though she knew better than to open that physical and metaphorical door. They hadn't spoken of it since the day of the accident. It took all of her strength and self control to not bring it up. She shut the door again and made her way into the bedroom to change.

Ten minutes later, Olivia returned wearing black jeans and a thick, olive green colored sweater. He noticed that she still put makeup on, but it was much lighter than usual. He watched as she slipped on her boots and shrugged her coat on.

"Ready" She announced. He offered her his arm and bowed before her, making her laugh.

"Where are we going?" She asked as she gently held on to his arm.

"That, my friend, is a surprise". He took a piece of fabric out of his pocket and showed it to her. He made a gesture for her to turn around, but she didn't budge.

"I'm not wearing that".

"Come on, Liv. It's the only way to ensure it will be a surprise" He whined.

"El".

"Liv".

She sighed and turned around. letting him put the blindfold on her. He appreciated the level of trust she had when it came to him.

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"How long has it been? It feels like it's been at least a half hour" Olivia asked as he led her down what she assumed was a hallway. The car ride hadn't been too bad, but she hated not being able to see where they were going. The only thing she knew was that they were inside, and that was because it was nice and warm.

"It's been eight minutes. Liv".

"You're lying".

"No, you're just impatient" He teased. "Don't worry, we're here". He reached over and untied the blindfold, letting it fall.

"Where are we?" Olivia asked as she took in her surroundings.

"My new apartment".

"Oh, well it's very ni-wait what?" She wasn't sure if she heard him right. She couldn't have heard him right.

"This is my apartment" He repeated. He sat down on the couch and patted the spot next to him. She sat down and waited for him to explain what was going on.

"I moved out, Liv. Kathy and I are done. We filed for divorce about a week after Eli was born".

"You signed the papers?"

"Yes. We signed them. It was a mutual decision. Ideally, it be finalized in a month. Realistically, it'll be finalized in two or three. I'm going to be a free man".

She leaned back on the couch, trying to digest all that information.

" _...things are changing, Liv"._

" _I'll support you, no matter what"._

" _You deserve all the happiness in the world"._

"Liv, did you hear what I said?" Elliot asked, bringing her back to the present.

"Um, no. I'm sorry".

"I said, are you ready to talk about it?"

She knew exactly what he was talking about.

"I think so".

 **An: I'm sorry, but I just had to end the chapter there. Love y'all!**


	10. Chapter 10

**An: I'm going to start out with a big THANK YOU for the outstanding support! You guys rock. You da real MVP's. I promise that I'll never say that again. Anyway, this chapter was difficult to write so I figured it's better to just get it over with so we can move on. I'm sorry if you wanted/expected a really smutty chapter. I really don't like writing those. I hope you still manage to enjoy it. Love y'all!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the show or the characters.**

Elliot watched as Olivia slipped her boots off and worked her coat down and off her arms. She was making herself comfortable. She was calming down. At least one of them was. He had been cool as a cucumber about the whole idea since he first suggested it, now as he watched her relax and move closer to him on his couch, that was not the story.

" _Relax"_ He told himself.

"It's weird because we have a lot to talk about, but I have no clue where to start" Olivia confessed.

"I want to be part of the baby's life" He blabbed. "I mean, I don't want the child I fathered to grow up without their father, you know? I don't think that's too ridiculous of a request. Would you want to carry a baby for nine months and then not get to be a part of it's life? That's just cruel. Well, unless you're a surrogate of course. Then it makes complete sense and that's actually how it's supposed to work. Then again-"

Olivia placed her hand over his mouth, cutting him off. "Nervous?" She questioned as she slowly lowered her hand. He nodded and she offered him a small smile, understanding exactly how he felt. "Well that's good" She continued. "It shows that you care. I'm actually kind of glad that you want to be involved".

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I didn't want my child to grow up the way I did, without a father...Anyway, um...Elliot, are you sure you want to do this? You already have five kids. Hell, are they going to be okay with this? They aren't going to understand the situation".

"Liv, we're just two friends trying to have a baby together. It's completely normal" He joked, making her smile. "My kids don't need to know about this right now anyway. When the time comes, I'll explain everything. Look, I'm in this, one hundred percent".

Olivia smiled. "Good. I'm glad to hear that". Neither of them knew what else to say. They sat in awkward silence for what felt like forever, but was only a minute or two. Olivia was looking down at her lap, playing with the silver bracelet she wore. Elliot reached out and put his hand on her shoulder, slowly moving up her neck until his fingers gently caressed her jawline. Her eyes locked on his, which were taking in the full softness that was her lips. Despite his sweaty palms, his thumb stroked over the smooth skin of her cheek as he leaned in until their lips were mere millimeters apart. He was just about to press his lips against her when he heard her let out a shaky breath.

"This is so weird" She whispered. She regretted it immediately. The last thing she wanted was for him to think that she was uncomfortable with him. In fact, it was weird since she felt the exact opposite. Of course she was nervous, but she trusted Elliot with her life.

"It is" He agreed, chuckling at their current situation. He was still holding her face and their noses were almost touching. "How are we going to do this if we can't handle one little kiss?"

Olivia wordlessly closed the distance between them, feigning enough confidence for the both of them. It started off a bit tense and awkward, but they both eased into it after a moment. Olivia could feel Elliot smiling. She wrapped her arms around his neck, egging him on. She shivered when his tongue traced her bottom lip, begging for entrance. She opened up for him, her tongue meeting his in a silent battle for dominance. Her chest was heaving when he pulled away, both breathless.

"That was…" He started.

"Yeah" She sighed, still holding on to him.

"So, we're doing this?" He asked, just to make sure.

"We're doing this" She confirmed.

He quickly wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off the couch, carrying her into the bedroom. He set her down on the middle of the bed and climbed over her, capturing her lips for another kiss.

"El, wait".

"What's wrong?" He asked, moving off of her.

"I know this is going to sound stupid, but I just need to hear it. You and Kathy are over, right? You aren't going to change your minds?"

His lips trailed kisses down her neck and onto her collarbone, hearing her moan. "We're over, Liv. We're not changing our minds".

Her hand snaked down his body, grabbing his belt.

"Good".

*3 Hours Later*

Olivia climbed out of bed with a content smile and slight ache between her legs. She had fallen asleep after their activities, but she figured that now was the perfect time to sneak out. Elliot was still fast asleep. She didn't know exactly how they were supposed to act afterwards, so it would be better if she just skipped it all together. Her clothes had been tossed in every direction, making it take a little longer to get dressed. She only had her panties on when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder.

"What are you doing?" A sleepy Elliot rasped. His opposite hand loosely held the sheet around his waist. She quickly crossed her arms over her chest, feeling self conscious and exposed.

"I was about to get dressed and head out" She answered honestly, trying to ignore the frown on his face.

He reached down and grabbed his t-shirt, handing it to her. "Don't be stupid, Liv. Your apartment is freezing and I really don't like the idea of you walking home this late. Just stay the night, please?"

"... _things are changing, Liv"._

She faintly nodded, but she didn't know why. Over the years, getting hers and getting out had become her thing. Elliot was her best friend though… She went to turn around, but his hand stopped her again.

"You act like I haven't seen you" He said with a smirk. His eyes slowly roamed her body, taking her in for the second time.

"El" She warned. She smiled when he turned around, giving her a moment of privacy.

"You're good" She said once his shirt was on. He turned around to face her again, looking a little more awake. She bent down and grabbed the boxers that she had practically torn off of him, handing them to him to put on. Unlike her, he was completely fine with dropping the sheet in front of her and pulling on the boxers. Not staring at him was not an option. Although her brain was screaming look away, her eyes wouldn't move. He was impressive, very, very impressive.

"See something you like, Liv?" He teased. He grabbed her hand and lead her back to the bed. "Relax, I'm just trying to lighten the mood". His smile was so big and bright that she barely felt any embarrassment.

"You look like a kid in a candy store" She commented as she laid back down.

"Well, I did get a pretty sweet piece of a-"

"Alright I get it. I always knew you were checking out my ass".

"Damn right".

"Do you think it happened?" She asked out of nowhere. She turned to face him and propped herself up on one arm, making sure that he could see her.

"Do I think that you're pregnant? Well, it doesn't work that fast".

"I know that, El. I meant, do you think that it will?"

"Eventually". He knew that wasn't what she wanted to hear, but he wasn't about to give her a false sense of hope.

"How often are we supposed to do... _this?"_ She asked, gesturing between them. He fought the urge to laugh at how shy she was being considering how vocal she had been a few short hours ago. That and the fact that they worked in sex crimes, but she refused to say the word.

"Liv, I'm tired. Why don't we just take this all one day at a time?"

She bit her lip but agreed, knowing that they both needed their sleep.

"Hey, El" She whispered a moment later, hoping that he hadn't fallen asleep already.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you, for everything".

" _...things are changing, Liv"._

 **An: Soooooo yeah, that happened. Reviews are greatly appreciated!**


	11. Chapter 11

**An: Hello! Thank you so much for your support and feedback! I personally love this chapter, and I hope you do too. I couldn't sleep and I'm the absolute worst when it comes to updating, so I decided to just add this one today also. Love y'all!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order SVU or the characters.**

*3 Weeks Later*

"Elliot!" Olivia yelled from the bathroom. She stood in front of the mirror, counting the new spots on her neck. Four. He made four new ones.

"Yeah?" He asked from the doorway.

"What did I say about giving me hickies?"

"To not" He mumbled. He tried not to smile at his marks. The last ones he had left were almost gone, but these ones were even darker. They were a deep purple and covered the skin at the meeting point of her neck and shoulder. A turtle neck would cover it, but he was pretty sure that their coworkers would start to notice her sudden love for the shirts.

"At least hide your pride next time" She advised, turning back to the mirror. He took in her appearance, thinking about how much she had relaxed within the last few weeks. If someone had told him months ago that he'd be sleeping with Olivia to get her pregnant, he would have called them delusional. Now here he stood, watching her apply makeup to the hickies he gave her, wearing only a bra and panties.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer" She teased. Even though she wasn't looking directly at him, she knew that he was checking her out.

"Is it okay if I hop in the shower?" He asked, already grabbing a towel out of her linen closet. They woke up late, leaving them with less than half of their normal time to get ready for work. She still needed the bathroom to do her makeup, so they would have to share.

"Just don't steam up the mirror. Oh, and don't use my soap. The guys would notice".

She left the bathroom for a moment to pick out her work clothes. Normally, she liked to pick them out the night before and iron them, but she had been a little preoccupied at the time. Once she found an acceptable outfit that would cover her bruises, she plugged in the iron. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Elliot's duffle bag sitting on the floor. His clothes were sure to be a wrinkled mess, but she didn't want to invade his space by going into his bag. At the same time, if she waited until he was out of the shower, it would be too late. Pushing the thought aside, she unzipped the bag and found his work clothes. She ironed their clothes as quickly as she could and hung them up on the handle of the bathroom door.

Elliot was out of the shower by the time she returned to the bathroom to finish her makeup. He had the towel tied around his waist and droplets of water racing down his chest. She didn't realize that she had licked her lips until she heard him chuckle.

"Come on, Liv. We're going to be late if you don't hurry it up" He coaxed. He saw his clothes hung up on the door handle and inwardly smiled. He wouldn't bring it up, he knew better. Whenever he mentioned something that made her uncomfortable, she would start to shut him out and it would take days to get her to open back up.

Five minutes later, they were both dressed for the day and carrying a coffee mug, although Olivia's was filled with cranberry juice instead. Elliot thought it was a little silly to cut out coffee already, considering she wasn't even pregnant yet, but she refused to do anything that would hurt a baby, just in case. In fact, she had pulled far less all-nighters since they started trying to get pregnant because of the toll it took on her health, and the healthier she is, the more likely she is to conceive. They had been trying for close to three weeks now. He'd be lying if he said that the last three weeks weren't some of the best in his life. He was given an opportunity that most men would die for, to be with the woman he loved. Although it was only two or three times a week, going to bed and waking up with her at his side was an amazing gift.

"Game face" Olivia whispered as the elevator opened. They were at work, one of the most challenging parts of the whole process. Their coworkers, much like Kathy, had suspected that something was going on between the two detectives for years. Hell, Elliot had even heard of a bet that some of the guys had made concerning when they'd get together. If someone found out that they were sleeping together, they would be separated at the very least, or lose their jobs for not disclosing and compromising the integrity of the NYPD. Besides, they weren't in an actual relationship, so technically, there was no need to disclose.

"Benson. Stabler, nice of you to join us" Cragen said as they reached their desks.

"Sorry, Cap. I was late picking Liv up" Elliot lied.

"It's alright. You two are needed at Mercy to interview a vic. Munch and Fin are at the crimescene".

Olivia grabbed the keys to the Sedan off of Elliot's desk, deciding that she was going to drive.

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*That Evening*

"So, what are your plans for tonight?" Olivia asked as she buckled up. Elliot was dropping her off at her apartment, but he had told her that he couldn't stay. She tried not to seem like she was being possessive, because she knew that she had no right to be, but she was still curious.

"Kids are coming over tonight. We're doing pizza and board games. You can come if you want" He offered, knowing that she would decline. Olivia was very confusing, but he had learned to expect it. Some nights she'd be very relaxed and open with him, but then others she would be tense and push him away, scared to let him get too close. He didn't want to push her, so he decided that taking everything one day at a time was his best and most effective plan.

"I'm good. I have some stuff I need to get done anyway".

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Stuff, Elliot". She crossed her arms indignantly and turned her head. She knew that Elliot was the best person at reading her, but she didn't want him to see that she was lying.

"Well, have fun with your stuff. Come on over if you change your mind".

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"So, then Becky told Leigha that Brad likes Lindsay, but he doesn't like Lindsay, he likes Leigha. Becky's just totally jealous because _she_ likes Brad" His youngest daughter, Elizabeth explained. He couldn't believe how dramatic the life of a seventh grader could be. He loved that she wanted to tell him everything though. It wouldn't last, so he wanted to enjoy it while he could.

"Lizzie, please shut up. He doesn't care, no one cares" Dickie said from the couch. He was normally very kind and patient with his sister, but Elliot could tell that he had a crappy day. He wanted to talk to him, man to man, but he was struggling to juggle four different conversations and a infant.

"Don't listen to him, honey. I care. Could we possibly make this a little shorter though? I need to talk to your brother about something". Lizzie nodded, and jumped to the part where Brad and Leigha got together and were boyfriend and girlfriend for four whole days.

"I can take him for a few" Maureen offered. She carefully grabbed her youngest sibling and held him. Elliot got up and nudged his son's shoulder, asking him if they could talk in his bedroom. Dickie reluctantly agreed and followed his father down the hall. Elliot shut the door behind them, giving his son his undivided attention.

"Alright spill, what's this grumpy attitude all about?"

"Well, _my friend_ likes this girl and _he_ doesn't know what to do" Dickie started. He looked over at his father, who showed no signs of laughter. He was taking him seriously, making this a little easier on the both of them. "She's super cute, funny, and smart, but I-I mean _he_ thinks she's way out of his league. What should he do?"

Elliot only let himself a tiny bit at Dickie's slip up. He knew that one day his son would come to him for advice on getting a girl, but he hadn't expected to be when he himself was struggling with the same thing. Olivia was beyond out of his league, but that didn't keep him from being head over heals for her.

"I think that your uh, friend should just be honest. Tell her how he feels. What's the worst that can happen? She doesn't feel the same way? At least he knows then. At least he doesn't have to live his entire life wishing he knew how she felt. He won't have to watch her go out and find someone else and get married, ruining his every hope and dream".

Dickie looked at his father like he was crazy. Where had he gone. "I don't think my friend's feelings are _that_ intense, but he'll uh, he'll think about that. Thanks". Before Elliot could say anything else, Dickie was out of the room and back in the living room with his siblings.

"I'm an idiot" Elliot sighed. He got up and turned off the light, joining his kids in the living room for a round of UNO.

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Olivia sat on the floor of the nursery, going through all of the baby clothes that she had bought in preparation of Hudson. She had found the receipts in her purse and she was trying to see which ones she should return. Thankfully, most of the onesies and t-shirts she had picked out were gender neutral, so she could hang on to them. After much consideration, she decided that it would be okay to hang on to the little policeman outfit, mostly because it was too darn cute to let go of. She wasn't in the mood to actually go out to the store, but at least she had done something productive with her spare time.

Once that was done, she headed into the kitchen to make herself something to eat. Surprisingly, she managed to keep some food in her fridge and cook for herself instead of living off of takeout for the last month or so. Honestly, it was mostly because Elliot would complain about there being no food when he stayed the night. She smiled at the memory of the previous night. They had been up most the night, but not trying to conceive. They had been up talking about their high school proms because of a commercial they had seen while watching tv earlier that evening. She got to tell him about her very first night of drinking until she passed out, and the subsequent first hangover she had the next day.

She missed Elliot. They had only been apart for four hours, but she missed him. She had been very tempted to accept his offer to come and hangout with his kids, but the last thing she wanted was to make their arrangement more complicated by bringing them into the mix. She knew that he was going to have to tell them if she got pregnant, but she had no clue what he was going to say to them. They would cross that bridge when they got to it. Her mind wandered to the thought of all of them sitting around the table together, playing games, laughing, and just having a wonderful time. That's what she wanted.

"Stop it. Olivia" She told herself. "He's just a friend helping you out". She knew that she wanted him to be so much more than that, but that's just the way it was. Her phone buzzed, grabbing her attention. It was a text from Elliot.

 _Kids are leaving soon. Come over?_

She wanted to say yes, but her fingers typed out no. It was for the best.

Elliot sighed and put his phone back in his pocket. He had wanted Olivia to come over and spend time with them. He wanted to show her how things could be.

"Hey, dad. Can I talk to you about something, alone?" Kathleen asked. He nodded and lead him down the hall and into his bedroom.

"What's up?" He asked, sitting down next to her.

"I just wanted to see how you've been doing. Isn't it weird going from a full house to a little apartment by yourself?"

Elliot nodded. "It was hard at first, but I'm getting used to it. I miss you kids like crazy, of course".

"Mom's already seeing someone" Kathleen blurted. "Isn't that crazy? The divorce isn't even finalized yet and she's been on like three dates with this guy".

"I know it seems weird, but trust me Kathleen, I'm glad she's seeing someone. Your mother is a wonderful woman and deserves to be happy. I just couldn't be the one to give her that happiness".

Kathleen narrowed her eyes at her father. That wasn't the reaction that she anticipated. She expected him to yell, or at least be slightly mad. It didn't make sense unless…

"Are _you_ seeing someone?" She asked.

"No" He answered, technically telling the truth. He wasn't really seeing his partner. He was just trying to get her pregnant.

"You're lying. Who is she? Do I know her?" Kathleen inquired.

"Kathleen, I promise you, I'm not seeing anyone. As soon as I am, I will tell you".

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Olivia sat in bed, holding her phone in her hand. It was late and she couldn't fall asleep. Chances were that Elliot was still awake, but she didn't want to bother him. She had gotten so used to the warmth of his body next to her in bed, that without him she felt like she would never be warm again. Snow had been steadily falling for an hour now. It would be a bear for him to drive over. She sighed and set her phone on her night stand, giving up for the night.

"It's one night" She whispered to herself. "Suck it up". Her phone buzzed once again and she eagerly grabbed it. It was another text from Elliot.

 _Call me if you're awake._

She dialed his number and was surprised that he answered before it could even ring. "Hey, El".

"Hey, Liv. I couldn't sleep".

"Same".

"I uh...I just wanted to see how your stuff went tonight. It seemed pretty important" He stated, knowing very well that it wasn't important.

"Yeah…" She lied. "I handled it". For some reason, the silence that followed wasn't the least bit awkward. In fact, just hearing the sound of his breathing was soothing to her.

"Did you see the game?" Elliot asked after a while, mostly to see if she had fallen asleep.

"What game?"

"I don't know. It's just one of those questions that almost never fail".

Olivia laughed, making him laughing, filling him with pride and joy. "Alright, El. We have to get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning?"

"I'll see you in the morning" He confirmed.

"Bye, El".

"Bye, Liv". He hung up the phone and set it next to him on the bed. He wanted to tell her how he felt, but he knew that over the phone was not an option. That, and she wasn't ready to hear it.

" _At least he doesn't have to live his entire life wishing he knew how she felt"._

 **An: Ahhhhhh!**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: I'm so sorry that I haven't updated this in a little while. This chapter is meant to take place after the episode Signature. It really doesn't mention the plot of it at all, so don't worry about spoilers if you haven't seen that far into the series. I'll admit that I had to write and scrap this like twelve times, so please be prepared for a weird chapter. Let me know what you think! Thank you for all of the support so far!**

 **Also, I don't normally promote my own stories but... Check out my oneshot Snowball Fights and Eskimo Kisses!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order SVU or the characters.**

"Olivia" Elliot sighed. He had looked all over the precinct for her, worried sick when he couldn't find her. Normally she would head up to the cribs when she needed a moment. The roof was his favorite place to go when he needed to cool down, so he was surprised to see her standing there, looking out at the city. It was dark out, seeing as it was late, but the lights looked amazing. More specifically, the way the lights made her skin glow was amazing. He had to ignore it because she was looking over her shoulder at him. He quickly shrugged off his coat and gently set it on her shoulders, feeling the cold night air.

"El, what are you doing here?"

He had taken the day off to attend Eli's check up with Kathy. Olivia hadn't expected to see him.

"John called me. There was nothing you could have done" He assured. She just shook her head, refusing to believe him. She tugged at his coat, pulling it tighter around her body. His hands on her shoulder were comforting, but she wanted more. She wouldn't tell him that though.

"Stay the night". It wasn't a question, but she nodded anyway. She didn't want to be alone. She wanted Elliot. They wordlessly made their way to the door, ready to go back to his place.

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*At his apartment*

"Sorry about all of the bags, I didn't get to put all my groceries away before John called" He explained. Olivia felt a pang of guilt in her chest. He had stopped what he was doing to come check on her.

"I would have been fine if you came a couple of minutes later" She insisted. She didn't know if that was true though.

Elliot grabbed the rest of the bags and took them into the kitchen. "I know that, but you needed to get out of there anyway".

Olivia followed him into the kitchen, determined to help out. She pulled the contents out of a bag, noticing something odd about some of his grocery choices.

"El, you hate chunky peanut butter, and this is strawberry jelly, you only eat grape". Olivia held up the two jars, showing him his mistake.

"I know, but you like chunky and strawberry. There's also fresh cherries in the fridge since you love them so much" He explained as he held up his smooth peanut butter and grape jelly. "Don't worry, I got the normal people peanut butter and jelly too".

Olivia smiled and thanked him, trying not to read too far into it. _He thought about me when buying groceries._ She didn't know what came over her, but she wrapped her arms around him. His arms circled her waist, holding her close. Her chin rested on his shoulder, simply enjoying the feel of him.

"Today really sucked" She mumbled. She buried her face in his chest, trying to hide her tears.

"Well it's over now. How about we get your mind off of it?" He offered, running his fingers up and down her sides. She smiled in his chest, pulling herself back a little so she could see his face. She cupped his face, leaning in to kiss him. They hadn't planned on doing this tonight, but she wanted, no, needed it. She could feel his fingers playing with the bottom of her shirt, slowly pushing it up.

"Off" She huffed. The wait was killing her. Elliot chuckled and lifted her shirt, throwing it off to the side. She reached out for him again, pulling his shirt off too. He kissed her again, surprised when she pushed him off of her.

"Bedroom". Her one word sentences cracked him up and turned him on all at the same time. He hadn't seen this side of Olivia, but he couldn't wait to see more of her. She jumped up, wrapping her legs around his hips. His arms supported her, carrying down the hall into his bedroom. He fell back onto the bed, keeping her on top of him. Olivia trailed a single finger down his cheek to his chin, making a straight line down his torso from there.

"Are you ready?" She huskily whispered into his ear. His hands immediately went to her pants, tugging on the waist band.

"I think you know how ready I am" He growled, thrusting up against her. She unsuccessfully bit back a moan, closing her eyes for a second. "God you're beautiful, Liv". He coaxed her to sit up so he could get her pants off. They were most of the way down her thighs when he suddenly stopped.

"What's wrong?" She asked, noticing his shocked face.

"Umm….there's blood".

She looked down, seeing a huge red spot on her panties.

"Oh God" She groaned, getting off of him and running to the bathroom. He heard the door slam shut, and he couldn't help but feeling like he had managed to make things a thousand times worse. He got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, knocking on the door.

"Liv, are you okay?"

"No" He heard her shakily reply.

"Can I come in?" He calmly asked.

"Yeah".

She was sitting on the edge of the tub, her face in her hands. He could tell that she was crying. He sat down next to her, wrapping his arm around her.

"I'm so sorry. I had no clue" She apologized.

"Liv, it happens. It's okay" He reassured.

"No, it's not, El. First of all, that was absolutely embarrassing. Second, now I have to go home. Third, my period was almost two weeks late and that gave me hope. I thought I might have been course I'm not". She got herself so worked up that she started sobbing. The whole day was finally getting to her.

"Olivia please, there's no reason to be embarrassed. You're my best friend, I don't think any less of you because it's your time of the month. It's completely natural. You don't have to go home either because luckily, I got everything you need because I wanted to have something here in case the girls needed it. You can stay here tonight and every night as far as I'm concerned".

"Thank you" She said quietly.

"Let me get everything and then you can relax, okay?"

She nodded, grateful that he had everything under control. He returned a few minutes later with a pair of her panties and sweats that she had left one night, and one of his old t-shirts.

"The um pads are under the sink" He stated awkwardly. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm going to lie down. Take your time".

Once the door shut behind him, Olivia finished undressing herself. She was more than ready to wash away her horrible day. She stepped into the shower, welcoming the hot spray with open arms.

" _God you're beautiful, Liv"_.

" _You can stay here tonight and every night as far as I'm concerned"._

His words repeated in her head. This was driving her crazy. Things had changed between them, yet they hadn't. She felt closer to Elliot, but at the same time he was still a million miles out of her reach. She didn't know what to do.

He had dropped what he was doing to make sure that she was okay. He bought her strawberry jelly for Pete's sake. He was so confusing…

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Once she was clean and dressed, Olivia returned to the bedroom to find Elliot laying under the covers.

"Feel better?" He asked, feeling the bed dip. She was sitting on "her" side. He could tell that she was hesitating.

"Yeah" She sighed. She wanted him to hold her, but she didn't want to seem needy. He was laying on his side facing her. He looked so inviting. He lifted his arm, showing her that he wanted her to join him. She reluctantly scooted over and laid down. All of her insecurities vanished when his arm wrapped around her.

"I'm here if you want to talk" He reminded. He gave her a gentle squeeze, comforting her even more.

"What are we doing wrong?"

"We're trying too hard" He said after a moment. Olivia's eyes had already closed, but he knew that she was still awake. Maybe she didn't want to talk anymore…

"That's not what I meant. What are _we_ doing?" She asked again. She moved away from him, but turned to face him, needing the distance and eye contact at the same time. "We almost had sex for no reason, El".

"What do you want me to say, Liv?"

"I want you to tell me why you're doing all of this. Don't just say because you're my best friend".

She was looking at him, waiting for him to say something. He mustered up all of his strength and took a deep breath. His hand cupped her cheek, making sure she was looking in his eyes.

"I love you".


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Hahaha so… this will be fun. Thanks for the support and I love you all! Keep the faith in me my loves! I love getting your feedback!**

 **Also, I do not regularly acknowledge the fact that I make spelling and grammatical errors, but I think it's kind of obvious that I do. I am human and I write for fun.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order SVU or the characters.**

Olivia sat on the front steps of Elliot's building, hugging her knees. It was freezing outside, but she couldn't go back inside after the scene she made. Walking home was an option, and a damn good one at that, but she couldn't get herself to move. Her phone had been buzzing non-stop for the last ten minutes and she was tempted to answer it each time, yet she couldn't bring herself to. Her butt was frozen to the step, keeping her there. It was so late and she was drained, but she couldn't leave because leaving made it real.

"Are you at least going to let me drive you home?" He asked from behind her. He crouched down next to her, but didn't touch her. The last thing he wanted was to set her off again. He had called her several times to make sure she was okay, and he got worried when she didn't answer. Who knew what creeps lingered at 3:30 in the morning? Olivia could take care of herself and he knew that, but she had a long day and was very distracted. He had to keep her safe, even if the night had ended in a disaster.

"No...I just don't know" She sighed.

"Well I don't want you to freeze, Liv. So you either come back upstairs or you let me drive you home, your choice".

Olivia thought about it. She wanted to be alone, but she wanted to be with Elliot. Would it be awkward if she stayed? Would he be disappointed if she went home? Well, she already disappointed him once tonight…

"I wanna stay" She mumbled. Elliot offered her a small smile, helping her up. He let go of her as soon as she was standing, unsure of how she expected him to handle this. They walked, shoulder to shoulder, neither saying a word. When they reached his apartment, Olivia plopped down on the couch and waited for Elliot to sit next to her, but he never did. He walked down the hall and into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

Olivia curled up in a ball and cried. She cried until there were no more tears left. He had every right to be mad at her.

*Earlier*

" _I love you"._

 _Olivia's heart started to pound in her chest. Actually, it felt like it could very well bust out of her chest. He loved her..._

" _What?" She asked, panicking._

" _I love you, Olivia" He repeated. She quickly sat up, and walked out of the room. She needed space. She always knew that they were more, but hearing him say it threw her for a loop._

" _Liv" He called after her. He caught her in the living room, grabbing onto her arm. "Liv, it's okay. I just thought-"_

" _This ruins everything" She groaned. He let go of her, completely confused._

" _What?"_

" _This whole thing's a mess"._

 _Elliot reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down. He gently pulled her closer, wanting to understand the problem._

" _Liv, calm down and tell me what's going on up there" He ordered, careful not to sound too harsh._

" _We can't do this, Elliot". She wanted to do this though..._

" _Liv, if you don't feel the same way-" He had been so sure that she was ready to hear it._

" _No" She interrupted. "There's too much to lose, El. I can't do this" She cried. She grabbed her jacket off of the hook and put it on, slipping her shoes on at the same time. It was the right thing to do. He would be hurt, but it was better than losing him altogether._

" _I can't do this anymore. I'm so sorry, El"._

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Olivia wiped away her tears, wishing that she could redo the last twenty four hours of her life. Maybe Agent Cooper would still be alive. Maybe things with Elliot wouldn't be so crazy. Elliot needed to know what was going on in her head, but she had to calm down before that could happen.

She knocked on his door, glad that he gave her permission to enter. He was sitting in bed with his back against the headboard. She noticed a few stray tears on his cheeks, but she didn't say anything about them. He was crying...because of her.

"El, can we talk?"

"Yeah".

She stood awkwardly by the door, not wanting to get too close to him again.

"I didn't mean to sound so crazy earlier. Your feelings are important and I hope you know that I would never, ever intentionally hurt you" She started. She continued once he nodded. "But we both know that this can't happen".

"We do?" He had no clue why she was saying that.

"We do. El, us being together would complicate everything. What would we do if I actually got pregnant? What happens at work? How would your kids feel about that, El? You and Kathy aren't even legally divorced yet".

"What if you actually got pregnant? That'd be wonderful! Why is that even a concern? Us being together would be complicated? Us being together would be the easiest part of this whole mess" He shot back.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She put her hands on her hips, challenging him. He walked over to her, getting directly in her face, but she didn't back down.

"Do you think that this is easy for me? Do you think that going to bed with you, but not being able to hold you like I want to is fun? Do you think that I like spending all night with you and then having to act like I don't know you inside and out at work? Do you think that I'm not scared? That I'm not scared that you'll find someone else? This isn't easy, Liv. I thought that I could do this and keep my feelings to myself, but I can't. I love you, Olivia. I love you so much". He rested his forehead against hers, hoping that she would get what he was saying.

"I love you too" She whispered. She loved him, she really did. "I just don't know how to handle this".

"You trust me, right?"

"With my life" She said with a small smile.

 __"Then let me show you how easy this can be".

He closed the little distance between them, kissing her as softly as he possibly could. His hands found hers, interlacing their fingers.

"Now that wasn't so scary, right?" He teased, loving the smile on her face.

"That's the easy part".

"Look, this isn't something we have to rush" He reassured.

"El, we've been sleeping together for months...but I know what you mean. I'm glad you're not mad at me".

"I could never be mad at you for being scared, Liv. I get it, I get you" He told her. "I'll admit that I was scared that I pushed you too far".

"I'm the one that insisted you tell me how you feel" She reminded. "Are we okay?"

"We're okay. There's more we need to talk about, but we're okay. It's almost four in the morning, I think we should get to sleep". Elliot yawned, making his point. He lead Olivia to bed, letting her lay down first. Once she was comfortable, he slipped in behind her, but didn't touch her. After the day they had, he found himself feeling unsure.

"If my memory isn't failing me, you said something about holding me?"

Elliot chuckled and wrapped his arms around her, holding her nice and close. It only took a few minutes for her to fall asleep, drifting off to a peaceful place. Despite how tired he was, Elliot forced himself to stay up and just listen to the soft sound of her breathing. He almost lost her today…

Their relationship as partners, friends, and potential lovers was on thin ice. She was scared to death, and he couldn't blame her with their histories. She was right, there's too much to lose. That's why they _had_ to make this work. No, the night had not gone the way he planned, but that was life. In the end, she loved him too, and that's all that mattered. He placed a kiss on to the top of her head, just because he could.

"Go to sleep" She mumbled. He must have woken her, but she went back to sleep almost immediately.

"I know this is scary, but I love you" He whispered, hoping that she heard him.

"I love you too".


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Hello all! This chapter is actually three mini chapters that were all too short to post as individuals. The second part is pre Undercover and the third part is post Undercover. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your kind words and support. I always love feedback. Love y'all!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order Svu or the characters.**

 ***Chapter 14.1***

"Looks like it's just you and me, Eli. Your daddy passed out on the couch. I guess chasing that bad guy for seven blocks tuckered him out". Olivia looked at the smiling little boy in her arms. Kathy had called Elliot earlier asking if he could take Eli for a few nights while she went to help her sister with an emergency. Of course he accepted, and then immediately went to Olivia's apartment so she could spend some time with the baby. After a half hour though, he passed out on her couch.

"I know that you'll be nice and sleepy after your sponge bath" She started, noticing that he was already starting to fuss. "I know, I know. You want to stay awake and see everything the world has to offer, but I promise you that you'll be such a happy boy after you sleep". Elliot let out a loud snore, making her chuckle.

"You can be all happy like your daddy. You know, I think he came here just so he could sleep. I don't mind though, I like spending time with you. He knew that I'd let you guys spend the night". She kissed him on his chubby little cheek before turning her attention to Elliot. "Let's get you to bed so I can get your daddy settled too, okay?"

She carried him into nursery, spotting the diaper bag that she tossed in there a few minutes ago.

"Let's see what your momma packed for you little man". She rummaged through the bag, finding tons of onesies and diapers, along with extra pacifiers, bottles, and socks. The formula was already in the kitchen from his earlier feeding. She was looking for a moisturizer of some sort for after his sponge bath. "Aha! Here we go".

She carried him and all of the necessities into the kitchen, happy to see that she had left the washcloths in there.

"I believe that honesty is the best policy, so I have to tell you that I've never done this before. Don't worry though, I'll be very careful" She reassured.

Elliot smiled at the sound of Olivia talking to Eli. He woke up a few minutes earlier, but pretended to be asleep so that he could listen to Olivia interacting with his son. She was a natural born mother. He made sure to listen in case she needed help with something, but she seemed fine so far. He closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep while Olivia softly sang to Eli.

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Olivia stood next to the bassinet, watching as Eli peacefully slept. It took a little longer to get him down than she had anticipated, but she enjoyed the time with him either way. Using all of the supplies she had purchased was a bittersweet experience.

"He hasn't been sleeping through the night yet…" Elliot said as he wrapped his arms around her from behind. "So are you going to stand there all night or are you going to lay down with me?"

"You just woke up, how are you still tired?" She asked with a small smile.

"Thanks for taking care of him while I was out by the way".

"It was no problem, El. I'm glad you guys came. Now, let's get some rest while we can".

Elliot plopped down on her bed with a sigh. He wasn't all that tired anymore, but he was sure that Olivia could use a rest. She laid down next to him, snuggling into his side before pulling the blanket up and over them. He felt the warmth of her lips on his cheek, but it was gone rather quickly.

"Good night".

"Goodnight, sweetheart".

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"I'll get him" Olivia offered, already getting out of bed. Elliot was behind her, but she beat him to it. She scooped Eli up and started to sooth him.

"I'll grab everything to change him and a bottle".

Olivia nodded, barely listening to what he was saying.

"Here we go. Let me change him and you can feed him, okay?"

Olivia reluctantly nodded, letting Elliot take Eli from her.

Once he was changed, Elliot let Olivia take Eli once again. He sat down on the bed with his back against the headboard and spread his legs apart so that Olivia could sit between them, resting against his chest.

"This feels so right" Olivia whispered to herself.

"It does, doesn't it? You're going to be an amazing mommy, Liv".

"Thank you. I can't wait" She admitted with a shy smile. "To think that it might actually happen…"

She wordlessly leaned in, placing a chaste kiss on his lips. "Do you really have to give him back to Kathy?"

"You just talked about my son as if he was a puppy" He said through a laugh. "But yes, Kathy will want him back when she gets home".

"That's a shame. He has your eyes".

 ***Chapter 14.2***

"I don't want you doing this. I can't go since we pulled that first undercover op and they know that I'm a cop. You aren't doing this, Liv, and that's final".

Olivia slammed her locker shut, totally pissed off. His controlling attitude was too much for her today.

"Okay, sure. I'll just go tell the captain that I can't go undercover at Sealview, something that I had to fight for, because my boyfriend-I mean, my _partner_ said that I'm not allowed to do my job" Olivia spat.

"Stop it. You know that I have no problem with you doing your job, _when I can have your back_. Besides, acting like an abused drug addict isn't part of your job description".

"Well I hate to break it to you El, but you're going to have to get over it. If we want to be together, we can't be partners much longer. You and I both know that. Fin will be there. He'll have my back and he'll be able to update you at any time. I just wish that you'd trust me". She whispered the last part, unsure if she really wanted him to hear it. He must have though, because the next thing she knew, he was in her face. He was looking directly in her eyes, letting her see the anger in them.

"If you honestly think I'm acting like this because I don't trust you, maybe we shouldn't be doing this".

She opened her mouth to protest, but she had nothing to say to him. She had messed up and there was no way to fix things while he was still so angry with her. A lump formed in her throat and tears threatened to spill onto her cheeks, but she remained motionless. Elliot stormed out of the locker room, leaving her alone.

*2 hours later*

Olivia nervously waited for Elliot to answer his door. Her hands were shaking and her heart was pounding. Sure, he had been a controlling jerk, but she hit him where it hurt. She managed to bring up one of their worst moments together, the Gitano case. She accused him of not trusting her to do her job then, and she did it again now.

She knocked once more. "El, it's Liv. Please let me in".

The door cracked open and she let out a sigh of relief. It wasn't much, but it was progress.

"What do you want?" He asked as soon as the door shut behind her.

"I know you're angry and you have every right to be but-"

"I'm not angry" He interrupted. "I don't know what I feel. I mean, I'm a little disappointed because I know that I brought a lot of it on myself. I'm hurt because I didn't think you saw me as such a jerk-"

"I don't see you as a jerk...most of the time anyway. El, I know you trust me. I don't know why I said it".

"You wouldn't have said it if you didn't feel the need to".

"Elliot look at me". She cupped his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. "I know that you trust me. Sometimes I feel like you watch over me too much but that's-"

"Because I love you" He filled in.

"I'm still not used to hearing that" She admitted. "That's why it can be hard to accept the fact that you do see me as an equal at work".

"I didn't mean to sound like such a controlling asshole earlier. I just worry about you".

She coaxed him to lean forward, slanting her lips over his. "Are we okay?"

"Yeah". He kissed her once again, immediately deepening it.

"I'm surprised you didn't ask about my choice of attire". Elliot looked down, finally noticing the trench coat and stilettos.

"What are you wearing underneath the coat, Benson?"

"You'll find out soon enough if you keep it up, Stabler".

 ***Chapter 14.3***

"What the hell happened to your face?" Elliot nearly yelled as soon as he spotted Olivia.

"Wow, thank you".

"You're covered in bruises. What happened? Why didn't Fin do anything?" He was starting to get worked up.

"Calm down before you start screaming. Fin did do something, he stopped it" She informed, carefully avoiding the details.

"Stopped what?" He pressed.

"Can we talk about this later? I have to do an interrogation". She brushed past him before he could even say anything. He went to find Fin, hoping that he could get some answers.

"Fin" Elliot called, catching his fellow detective right as he stepped out of the elevator. "What happened to Liv?"

Fin shook his head. "It's not my place to tell you. You're going to have to ask her".

 **AN: If you hadn't guessed it yet, the next chapter will involve them talking about it :P**


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Thank you for all of the support so far! Hope you enjoy! A review sure would make my day *hint hint*. Love y'all!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order SVU or the characters.**

*About a week later*

"Hey, Liv. It's me, El. I uh-I was wondering if you wanted to grab dinner tonight? I haven't seen you in a few days and I...I miss you. I really wish you'd answer the phone, just to tell me you're alright. I know that you told me that you needed a few days to yourself, but I just wanted to check on you and-" The tone signalling the end of his message sounded loudly in his ear. It was like it was mocking him.

"Say I love you…" He sighed, knowing that she wouldn't get to hear it. He shoved his phone back into his pocket, accepting the fact that he would have to wait for her to contact him. She hadn't replied to any texts he sent her either. His phone began to ring, giving him the slightest glimmer of hope.

"Stabler".

"Hey, El. I got your message. I miss you, too. I'm not really in the mood to go out tonight, but why don't you grab us a pizza or something and come over? I think we need to talk about something".

He couldn't tell what she meant by "something". Her tone was neutral and he couldn't see her eyes, making it impossible to judge. Was she going to break up with him? They hadn't even gone out on an actual date yet. Maybe that was the problem. They were moving way too fast. Is that why she needed time to herself?

"Elliot? Are you coming over or not?"

"Yeah... I'll be there in a few hours. Love you".

"Love you too".

That had to be a good sign, right? She said it back.

"Elliot, captain wants you" Fin called from the doorway of the locker room.

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"What's up Cap?"

"Come in and close the door behind you".

Elliot obeyed, feeling uneasy. He hadn't done anything wrong which meant that something had to _be_ wrong.

"I need you to do me a favor" His boss started. "I need you to go check on Liv for me. She told me she needed some time off and hasn't answered my call since. I was just trying to check on her, but she won't answer. Something seems off about this".

He wanted to tell his captain that she was okay, that he had just spoken to her, but he knew that he would be allowed to leave now if he kept his mouth shut.

"I'll update you once I know what's going on".

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"El" Olivia greeted, happily wrapping her arms around him. He shifted the pizza so that he was holding it in one hand, allowing him to put one arm around her.

"I'm sorry I haven't talked to you, I just needed a few days to handle some things and I-" She was cut off by his lips, kissing her eagerly.

"Sorry. I needed that" He confessed with a shy smile.

"That's alright. Come on in". She stepped to the side, letting him in before her. He felt himself relax, but she wasn't telling him something. He spotted something odd on the kitchen counter while he set down the pizza.

"Liv, why do you have a baby monitor on the counter?" He watched a smile form on her face. As if on cue, bubbly babbling was heard from the speaker.

"Liv, is that-"

She nodded. She silently grabbed his hand and lead him down the hallway and into the nursery.

"Elliot, you remember Hudson, right?" She lifted him out of the crib, carrying him on her hip.

"How? When? What happened?"

"Careful, El. Soon he'll be forming full sentences. You need to be a good example" She teased. "But I got a call three days ago asking if I was still interested in taking him. His case worker couldn't go into detail, but she said that having money does not mean you are a good parent".

He cupped her face in his hands, bringing her in for a kiss. "I'm so happy for you".

"You are?" She asked. He noticed the surprise in her voice.

"You sound surprised".

"I just wasn't sure how you'd take it since things have changed and we're different now. I know that you're probably wondering where that leaves our little set up-"

"We'll talk about it later" He promised. "Let's just enjoy our evening and you can tell me all about the last few days with Hudson".

He noticed that special sparkle in her eyes, and he knew that was because of Hudson. She deserved all the happiness in the world, and he would never allow himself to be the one to get in her way. He followed her into the living room, chuckling when she patted the spot on the couch next to her.

"Want to hold him?"

"Of course".

"He's been fussing all day because he didn't get much of a nap, so I don't expect him to be up much longer" She explained as she made sure that they were settled. "I'm going to get his bottle".

Elliot knew that she would want to be the one to feed him. He looked down at the smiling baby boy in his arms, wondering if he knew how happy he made Olivia.

"Do you want me to take him or do you want to feed him?"

"You go ahead".

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"I'll be out in a minute" Olivia whispered to Elliot. She needed a moment alone with her sleeping foster son. She had set him in his crib several minutes ago, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from him. Elliot wanted her to come eat, but food was the last thing on her mind. She was tired and hadn't taken a shower in two days, but she wasn't complaining. Hudson kept her busy which was good considering the events of a few days ago. She leaned down and kissed the top of his head one more time before heading into the living room.

"I know that you prefer cold pizza over reheated, so I got you a slice and some water. I was gonna wait for you, but I'm starving".

"Thanks...and sorry. I haven't even had time to think about food".

"Or what happened at Sealview?" He asked. She narrowed her eyes at him, but didn't say anything. She took a big bite of her pizza, making sure to take her time chewing.

"You're going to avoid talking about it, aren't you?"

She nodded. "I really don't want to ruin my good mood. In fact, I'm going to take a shower. Feel free to join me" She offered,abandoning her half-eaten food on the coffee table. She picked up the baby monitor and took it with her into the bathroom.

"Wow, I thought you'd wait until I was at least undressed before you'd join me".

"I told you earlier, I missed you". He placed open mouth kisses along her neck while his hands grabbed her hips.

She felt the panic rising in her chest. Her hands covered his, pulling them off of her.

"Stop!"

He stepped away from her, unsure of what he did.

"Are you okay?" He quietly asked.

"No" She admitted. "I'm sorry, El. I don't know what happened. I was fine and the next thing I know-"

"It's okay. I'm not offended or anything. I just think you need to relax and just enjoy your shower. We can talk or not talk or do whatever you want when you're ready. Okay?"

"I still want you to join me" She insisted. "I want you to…"

"To what Liv?"

"To hold me".

She couldn't look him in the eyes. If she did, she was sure to break down and tell him everything, and that's not what she wanted. Elliot wouldn't just accept what happened at Sealview. He would blame himself for not being there and she didn't want him to carry that guilt. Right now, his arms around her would be enough to get her through.

"I don't want to push you" He stated, making sure she knew that she was in charge.

She wordlessly reached down, grabbing the hem of her shirt, dragging it up until the material sat forgotten on the floor. Her bra was next, followed by her pants and panites. She stood bare before him with a small smile. He still hadn't moved, so she shrugged and started to adjust the temperature of the water. She smiled when she heard the soft thump of his clothes hitting the floor. His arms wrapped around her middle, holding her flush against his chest.

"Liv, can I ask you something?"

"Considering our current situation, I think it's safe to say that you can ask me a question". She turned around in his arms, resting her head against his chest. A sigh escaped her lips when one of his hands made its way to her hair, gently massaging her scalp.

"I don't want you to think that I'm unhappy or anything, but when can I take you out on a real date? You deserve something better than takeout and watching tv all night".

"I get what you're saying, but I want you to know that takeout and tv is enough for me...as long as it's with you". She placed a kiss over his heart, smiling at the feel of his heartbeat.

"When did you turn into a softie?"

She let go of him and turned around. She handed him her shampoo, hoping he'd get the hint. He got to work, massaging the shampoo in her short hair. She leaned into his touch, closing her eyes. All of the stress slowly left her body.

"Oh, to answer your first question, any time. It's just Hudson and I for the next two weeks, so pick a night and I'll figure it out".

"Great. If you hand me the body wash I'll-"

"No! I got it" She cut him off, feeling the panic rising again. She knew that Elliot wouldn't hurt her, but her mind kept going back to Harris. She'd love to have his hands on her, but she feared it at the same time.

"Okay, but I wanted to wash up, too" He said with a chuckle.

"Oh" She said with red tinted cheeks. "Right".

They enjoyed the rest of their shower in silence, which was eventually interrupted by a teary cry.

"You take your time, I'll get him" Elliot offered. She was reluctant to agree, but Elliot was the father of five, he could handle it. She watched as he walked out of the bathroom with only a towel around his waist.

"You will be the death of me, Elliot Stabler".

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"Yes, Cap. Everything's fine, I promise. I'm going to head home and get some rest. See you in the morning" Elliot said before hanging up. He sat down on the couch next to Olivia, ignoring her questioning look.

"Are you tired?" He asked, noticing that she had yawned for the third time within an hour.

"A little. Hudson is having some trouble adjusting and I was up most the night last night". She narrowed her eyes at him when he took the remote out of her hands and turned off the tv. "What are you doing?"

"You are going to bed. I'm sure Hudson will be up again and you need some rest".

Olivia bit her lip, unsure of what to say. As tired as she was, she didn't want to go to bed. Bed meant sleep, and sleep meant nightmares. Although he didn't achieve his intended goal, Harris had gotten to her.

"Liv, you okay?"

"I'm fine". She didn't want to say that. Not to Elliot. He deserved more than her standard answer that she used to appease people. "Actually, will you spend the night? I don't really want to be alone".

"I planned on staying anyway" He admitted. "That's why I put on my sweats. Come on, let's go to bed".

She made no effort to move, suddenly feeling impossibly tired. Elliot picked her up and carried her bridal style into the bedroom.

"I could have walked" She insisted, sitting on the edge of the bed where he had put her.

"I didn't want to wait all night".

She rolled her eyes at him, but he knew that she was joking.

The lay side by side, barely touching. Elliot was scared that she would be uncomfortable if he tried to hold her again, and she didn't want to seem too needy. She wanted to sleep, but her mind was too busy. The two weeks ahead of her were sure to be difficult, and that's without dealing with all of the Harris bull shit. Hudson's case worker would be checking on them soon, she needed to find him a daycare or a nanny, she would be going out with Elliot, and she needed to figure out how to handle everything without going crazy.

"Stop thinking so much and go to sleep" Elliot mumbled, feeling his eyes getting heavier.

"How did you and Kathy handle having four kids in the house at once? I'm barely able to manage one".

"You're doing fine, Liv. You're both still adjusting. In no time you'll have a routine and everything will be smooth sailing".

"You sound so confident in me" She whispered more to herself than to him.

"Well, one of us has to be. Besides, you have an expert dad on hand".

She moved so that her head was resting on his shoulder, just enough contact without being too much. "We'll be fine" She concluded.

He kissed her cheek, noticing that it was a bit wet from what he assumed was tears. She was tired and scared, but they would be okay.


	16. Chapter 16

Olivia walked into the 1-6 with her head held high, but she was nervous. The last time she had stepped foot in the building was ten whole days ago, and the worst part was that she hadn't missed it that much. Sure, she loved her job and helping victims, but she was enjoying spending time with her foster son and getting a little more time with Elliot in the evenings. She'd be back to work in a little over a week, but she wanted to introduce the guys to Hudson. Unlike Elliot, the guys had no clue that she even tried to foster Hudson when they first caught the case and this would be quite surprising for them. There were several other things that they didn't know about her life, but those could wait for now…

She easily pushed the stroller into the squad room, pretending that this was completely normal and no one was uncomfortably staring at her. Both lies.

"Liv, where the hell have you been?" John asked as soon as he noticed her. She could see that exact moment when he noticed the stroller. "And who is this?" He questioned further, bending down to look at the little boy.

"If you go get Cap, Fin, and Elliot I'll tell you all about it him. I'm going to check my messages quickly".

She parked Hudson right next to her desk while she checked her messages. He began to fuss, so she unbuckled him and held him in one arm while she scribbled down a few notes. She smiled when his little fingers gripped the phone cord, playing with this new wonder.

"Careful handsome, I don't want you to rip the cord out" She cooed when he started to tug at it.

"Who is this?" Captain Cragen said as he sat in Elliot's chair across from Olivia. She put the phone back and smiled at her boss and coworkers.

"Alright guys, I would like you all to meet my foster son, Hudson Riggins".

"Congrats, baby girl. I bet you're a great momma" Fin said.

"I'm happy for you Liv, you deserve it" Cragen added.

"I'm good with it as long as he calls me Uncle John".

Olivia rolled her eyes but agreed.

"Yes, yes. You'll be Uncle John, and I was hoping that you'd be grandpa?" Olivia asked Cragen.

She thought of the man as a father and she wanted her son to have a grandfather.

"Of course. Now, let me hold my grandson".

Olivia stood once Hudson was secure in Cragen's arms and retrieved the bag she had put in the bottom compartment on the stroller.

"I figured you guys would like some fresh muffins from that bakery down the street".

"If I knew motherhood would make you so pleasant, I would have made this happen a lot sooner" John said with a wink.

Olivia looked over at Elliot, who was pretending to gag. She bit her lip and shook her head, trying to not bust up laughing. Hudson suddenly reached out for Elliot, which didn't go unnoticed by the guys.

"This isn't the first time Uncle Elliot is meeting Hudson, is it?" Fin asked with a bit of a smirk.

"No, it's not. Cap sent him to check on me the other night which kind of gave away the surprise". She shot her captain a look, hoping that they would leave it at that. She and Elliot hadn't discussed when they'd tell the rest of the squad about their relationship and this was definitely not how she pictured them finding out.

"Well, sorry I ruined your moment".

Olivia sat back and watched as the men she considered to be her family took turns holding and playing with the newest addition to her life. The thought of returning to her work and trying to make enough time for Hudson was intimidating, but she knew that she would have a solid support system here. They wanted her to succeed and be happy. She glanced at the clock on the wall and realized that they had to get going or she would have a very cranky baby on her hands.

"It was nice seeing you all, but Hudson and I have to go or you'll get to witness the fuss of a lifetime. It's almost naptime".

"You haven't been giving him a bottle to get him to sleep, right?" Elliot checked, remembering that she had done that while he was there the other day.

She shook her head. "I read that thing you sent me. I didn't realize that it could cause problems with their ability to sooth themselves to sleep. He's been sleeping pretty well the last few nights".

"It's not that big of a deal, it could just make things easier in the long run. Here, let me walk you guys out".

Once they were in the elevator, Olivia leaned against him. "You couldn't have acted a little surprised?"

"Nope. I was too distracted by that beautiful smile. You were glowing, Liv". He kissed her cheek and gave her hand a squeeze.

"Well, I'm just happy that went well. So, you're picking me up at seven?"

"Seven". He kissed her quickly, knowing that the elevator door would open at any second.

00000000000000000000000000000000

Olivia opened the door for Elliot, but didn't give him much of a greeting. She quickly shuffled back to her room to grab her earrings and finish getting ready. He silently followed her, making sure to wave to the young woman that sat on Olivia's couch.

"I see you finally picked a sitter".

Olivia nodded and reached for her lipstick, but Elliot's hand stopped her.

"I don't think that shade will look good on me, and we both know that it will wind up on me too".

She smacked him on the chest. "You are a bad man, Elliot Stabler".

"You love it when I'm bad,Liv. Don't deny it" He whispered into her ear. His lips were only on her neck for a brief moment before she pushed him away from her.

"If you keep it up we won't make it to dinner". She smiled when he kissed her quickly on the lips, silently agreeing to behave.

"I'm ready. Let's go".

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"Am I allowed to order us a bottle of wine? I know you haven't really had any alcohol since we've been trying…" He trailed off. He didn't know if bringing up their original arrangement during their date would bother her. She didn't seem to mind it though because she started to look over the list. He already knew that they had her favorite and she saw it too.

"Well, I don't think a glass could hurt. Besides, it might help me to calm down. My nerves are going crazy" She confessed.

He raised a brow, obviously intrigued. "Olivia Benson is nervous? Wow, I better write down the date".

She rolled her eyes, but smiled. "To be fair, not only is this our first date as a couple, but this is my first time being away from Hudson".

He soothingly ran his thumb over her knuckles, offering her the most comfort that he could for the moment. He intertwined their fingers, hoping that she'd relax.

"Liv, please don't be nervous with me. You already know that I love you and that I'm here to stay, no matter what. As for Hudson, it's normal to be nervous the first time you leave the baby alone with a sitter, but it has to happen eventually".

She nodded, but he knew that she was still worried.

"This was the best time for it too. Think about it, he's fast asleep and has no clue that you aren't there. All Lucy might have to do tonight is change a diaper and give him a bottle. It's a good trial night" He reassured her.

"You're right. At least the first time wasn't while I'm at work. That would be harder on both of us".

"Exactly".

"I'm sorry, El. I'm not trying to make our date all about him. We should be focusing on us".

Elliot used a finger to move her chin up a bit so that she was looking him directly in the eye.

"There is no reason to be sorry, Liv. He's your son and this is all new. I understand. I don't care what we do or talk about tonight as long you are happy and we are together. Okay?"

"Okay". She raised their intertwined hands to her lips, sweetly kissing his thumb. It was somewhat of an odd gesture, but she knew that he would feel her love regardless. They always had a very unique bond and an even more interesting way of communicating with each other.

"Go call her".

"Thank you!"

He watched as she walked towards the restrooms with a smile on his face. Sure, she was a bit distracted and he wouldn't be getting her undivided attention tonight, but he was on a date with the woman of his dreams and that made him the luckiest man in the world. The waitress came while Olivia was on the phone, so he ordered for the both of them.

He could tell that something was wrong as soon as she sat back down.

"She said that he was really warm when she checked on him a few minutes ago. Then he spit up three times. I had her check his temperature and it's 100. I-"

"It's alright, Liv. Let me talk to the waitress and get our food to go".

He was up before she could say anything. She watched as he spoke to their waitress and she felt so guilty.

"Alright. She said that it will be out in a few and that she'll get the check for me. Don't even think about apologizing. This is out of your control and it's okay" He reminded her.

"At least we'll have a bottle of wine now".

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"Thank you again Lucy. Liv will call you sometime tomorrow to let you know when she'll need you again. Text her when you get home so we know you're safe". He knew that he sounded like a father at the moment, but he didn't care. Lucy had to be around Maureen's age and he didn't want anything to happen to her.

"No problem . It was nice to meet you".

He locked the door behind her and made his way into the nursery. Olivia stood next to the crib, watching the steady rise and fall of Hudson's made sure to give him another bottle as soon as she hung up with Olivia so that he had something in his tummy. The poor thing was still warm, but he hadn't spit up again. They had checked his temperature again and it had gone down to 99 already, so they didn't think that it was necessary to call his doctor.

"I know how important it is to keep him hydrated, so should I wake him up and give him formula?" She asked quietly.

"You could, but I think it might be better to just let him sleep it off. He was so tired that I think he might sleep through it".

She wordless grabbed his hand and lead him into her bedroom, making sure to close the door behind them. He had no clue what was going on because she hadn't bothered to turn on the lights, but he could hear her moving. Her hands were now on his shoulders, gently pushing him back until he felt the bed against the back of his legs.

"Lay down, baby" She told him. He did as he was told, curious to see where she was going with this. He felt the bed dip followed by the brush of her fingers against his shirt.

"Just relax and take it all in".

An hour later, he lay on his back with a sleeping Olivia snuggled into his side. She had been amazing! He had kissed her over and over again, telling her how wonderful she is between kisses. It didn't take long for her to fall asleep and as tired as he was, he couldn't. He was too busy worrying about her. He could tell that her dreams were unpleasant by the way she was tossing and turning, or how her breathing would pick up, and the way she'd frantically mumble things.

"NO! Help me! Someone help me!" She screamed.

He shook her shoulder, trying to wake her up without being forceful. She gasped as she woke, pushing him off of her.

"Get away from me!" She cried.

"Olivia, it's me. It was just a dream, sweetie".

He knew that his words registered when she let herself rest against him once again. He wrapped an arm around her, holding her close. She was crying now and he didn't know what to do.

"I'm sorry" She sighed once the tears had stopped.

"Don't be sorry. I wish you'd tell me about it though so I knew how to help you".

Olivia nodded. "I guess I should tell you then".

 **AN: I am not a parent! The bottle to get the baby to bed bit came from the internet so if that's something you did with, or currently do with for your child please do not be offended! I just wanted them to have an interaction like that in front of the squad because I thought it was cute. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I will update as soon as I can. Thank you all for the support and interest in this story. Love y'all!**

 **Disclaimer: Still don't own it.**


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: Hey there! I just want to let you know that Harris will be mentioned more. That's all. Hope you enjoy and leave a review if you feel inclined to do so or just want to make me happy!**

 **Disclaimer: The sum of what I own = 0**

*3 Days Later*

"Are you sure you don't want me to stop by at lunch? You don't sound so good" Elliot double checked, hating the fact that Olivia was refusing his help. Hudson had gotten her sick, but she wasn't as lucky as he had been. She had been sick for two days now and she still didn't sound good. He had offered to help her with Hudson for the day, but she insisted that she was fine.

"I've told you a hundred times already, El. I'll be alright. Besides, you only have six more hours of work as long as you don't catch a case. We can make it until then". She closed her eyes as the waves of nausea intensified. Breathing deeply, she attempted to calm her stomach, but it was a fruitless effort. The phone in her hand was now forgotten on the floor as she ran to the bathroom, dropping onto her knees.

Elliot could hear the faint sound of her heaving and the piercing cries of poor boy could tell that something was wrong with Olivia. He sighed and hung up, heading straight to Cragen's office.

"Good thing I haven't used all my time off" He mumbled.

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"It's Elliot" He called through the door. "I'm just gonna use my key". If she was actually resting, he didn't want her to get up to answer the door.

"Okay".

She tried to sit up on the couch, quickly falling back into a laying only did her stomach ache, but her chest was sore, too. She figured that it could be because of throwing up. Maybe she wouldn't feel as horrible if she could actually hold something down. Hudson was finally down for a nap and she wanted nothing more than to go join him.

"How are you feeling?" Elliot asked as he sat on the end of the couch, carefully moving her feet into his lap. He began to massage her feet, hoping that it would distract her from her stomach. His eyes couldn't help roaming over her, taking in the smooth skin of her legs. Although spring had only just begun, it was rather warm out today. Olivia was wearing black shorts and one of his old NYPD sweatshirts. That woman could wear a sack and still look breathtaking.

"I'm fine, El".

"And how do you really feel?"

She rolled her eyes. "I feel like shit. Happy?"

"Yes and no. Glad you're honest, but not glad you're sick. Is there anything I can do?"

Olivia shook her head, immediately regretting moving so much. She felt like she was going to throw up again, but there was nothing left in her.

"Make it stop" She whined. She hated to sound so pathetic, but she hated to feel as awful as she did even more.

"Do you need me to run out and get you medicine? I know you don't have anything".

"No. Just help me get to bed".

He eased her up so that she was standing in front of him with his hands resting on her hips. She was a bit wobbly on her feet due to the lack of food in her. Then it hit her.

"El! Bathroom!"

He tried to turn them around, but it was too late. He could only help her lower herself to the floor so she wouldn't have to worry about falling while she was throwing up. Although there was nothing in her stomach, she spent several minutes on the floor trying to control the gagging. Only a tiny bit actually escaped her mouth. Tears made their way down her cheeks and Elliot knew that she felt defeated and weak.

"Let's get you to bed" He whispered as her breathing calmed back down.

"I have to clean that up".

"No, you don't. I'll get it. You're going to bed".

"I knew I shouldn't have told you anything! You're treating me like a victim. Like I'm broken".

Elliot rolled his eyes. "I am not. I'm treating you like you're sick and need to rest, which judging by the vomit on the floor, I'd say that I'm right".

Olivia huffed and he knew that she wouldn't just drop it.

"Can I at least get you into bed before you start getting pissy?"

He helped her lay down and tucked her in before kissing her on the forehead.

"I'm gonna clean that up and check on Hudson. Then we'll talk".

The mess was quickly handled and Hudson was still out like a light. When he returned to her bedroom, Olivia was fast asleep. He climbed into the bed with her, taking her into his arms. She groaned in her sleep, but thankfully he didn't wake her.

"I wish you'd realize that I want to take care of you" He sighed. She hadn't been the same since she told him what happened at Sealview. Harris had tried to force her to take him in her mouth, but she fought him hard. He managed to cuff her and Elliot wished that she wouldn't blame herself for that. The man had been armed and he had done it to several women before her. It was never the victim's fault and she knew that. Maybe he was treating her different. He wanted her to know that she was loved and taken care of, but maybe he was doing too much? No, she was sick and needed to let him help her. He held her close, enjoying the steady rise and fall of her chest. Hopefully she would feel better soon. Hudson had gotten over it rather quickly, but the illness was kicking her butt. Maybe they didn't have the same thing? His hand gently rested on her forehead, trying to get her temperature. She didn't feel warm...

Hudson started to cry a bit later, forcing Elliot to get out of bed.

"Hey there bud!" Elliot cooed as he lifted Olivia's foster son out of his crib. "Did you enjoy your nap?"

Hudson snuggled into him, making him smile. Hudson began to fuss again, so Elliot decided that they would go lay with Olivia while she slept. That way Hudson could be with him mommy and Elliot could keep an eye on the both of them.

"There's my handsome boy!"

"I was hoping you got some more sleep".

She shrugged. "I'm feeling a little better though". She reached out to take Hudson from him, leaning back against the headboard with her son in her lap.

"I'm sorry for being so pissy earlier. I just don't like not feeling well".

"I'm sorry that you think I'm treating you like a child because of what happened. I really just want to make sure you don't make yourself worse by not taking care of yourself".

"I appreciate it. Can I get a kiss?" She asked as she moved towards him.

"I love you, but you need to brush your teeth before I kiss your pukey mouth".

Olivia scrunched up her face. "Cute, El. Come on Hudson, momma has to brush her teeth". She stuck her tongue out at Elliot as she adjusted Hudson so that he was on her hip.

She seemed to be feeling well, which raised some flags in his head.

"All clean!" She said to Hudson. She sat down on the bed with the little boy in her lap, quickly leaning in to kiss Elliot. His fingers tangled into her short hair, holding her close.

"I'll never get tired of that" She sighed. "Or this" She said right before attacking Hudson with kisses. The little boy squealed, making both adults laugh.

"So you feel okay?"

"Yeah. It's weird because yesterday was pretty much the same way".

He didn't want a repeat of the last time, but it was such a strong possibility and he had to know.

"When was your last period?"

She looked surprised that he asked, but it could have been the way he just blurted it out.

"Why do you ask?" She knew why he was asking, but she wasn't going to let herself get excited yet.

"Have your breasts been sore? Using the bathroom more?"

She shook her head in disbelief.

"Is that a no?"

"No, it's not a no".

"So it's a yes?" He clarified.

She slowly nodded.

"Do you want me to run to the store?"

She nodded again. "I'm gonna give Hudson a bath while you're gone".

He could tell that she was nervous, so he wrapped his arms around her and Hudson before kissing her on the cheek, and of course giving Hudson the same thing.

"I'll be back".

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Olivia paced the nursery, making sure to keep an eye on Hudson who was in his bouncer. Elliot was taking way too long. She checked her phone once again. Fourteen minutes. He had been gone for fourteen minutes. He only had to walk three blocks or so to get to a decent store, so what was taking him so long?

"Where is he?" She asked herself.

"He's back" Elliot answered from behind her, making her jump.

"I didn't even hear you come in".

"Sorry. I wasn't sure if he was sleeping or not. He didn't get much of a nap earlier".

"He's alright. He was a bit fussy so I put him in his bouncer. I figured I'd see if he wants his bottle when you got back".

She leaned into him, coaxing him to hold her. "I have a bit of a headache".

"Hungry?"

"I think I could eat, but not until after I take those" She said referring to the tests in the little black bag. There was no use in arguing with her. She wouldn't be able to sit still until they knew for sure.

"Go ahead and take them. I'll whip us up something quick".

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Three more minutes. That's how long they had until they'd know. He had made both of them sandwiches, but he had only eaten half of his and Olivia managed to take a bite of hers. They sat next to each other on the couch, staring at the white plastic sticks on the coffee table. She had set them face down, but that didn't keep her from looking.

"Come on, Liv. Try to eat a little more. I don't want you to have a repeat of earlier" He coaxed.

She complied and forced herself to take two more bites.

The next thing she knew, it was time to check them.

"I can't do it" She whispered to herself. "Can you do it?" She asked Elliot. He nodded and carefully reached for the three tests.

"Well, Liv. I hope you're ready for another baby".


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Thank you for the support! It really helps my confidence when I write. I know I'm not the best, but it means a lot to know that people are into my ideas.**

"Are you being serious?"

Elliot nodded. "I would never joke about that".

She snatched the tests out of his hands, just to be sure. There it was clear as day, positive. Tears had started to make their way down her cheeks, but she hadn't noticed. She was frozen.

"Liv, tell me what's going on in your head" He requested. He expected there to be tears, but with celebration.

"I-I just never thought about this moment. When we agreed to this, I pictured labor and holding our baby for the first time, but not finding out that I was pregnant. I pictured the same things that I have been picturing since I was a teenager. But _this_ , this is the moment that changes everything. This is the moment that makes it all real.I mean, I found out that I was pregnant before, but it was just me. It was different. Elliot, you're beaming. I never could have imagined how your smile would be in this moment, or how your eyes are sparkling more than I have ever seen before. I have a beautiful, amazing foster son that I never would have had the strength to go for without you. He's going to be a big brother. I just got two life changing miracles in the span of two weeks. My whole world is different and it's a lot of adjusting in a short amount of time, but I'm so thankful for it. This is _real._ I'm terrified because I barely know what I'm doing yet and I have no clue what we're going to do about work, but I have you, and soon I'm going to have two babies. I'm excited, but I'm scared and honestly feel a little guilty. But my God it's _real_. I have to call my doctor so we can make sure everything's okay, but this is real Elliot. We're going to be parents together".

She wrapped her arms around him, simply holding him as he took in her words. Basically, she was saying that she never actually imagined how they'd feel in this moment because part of her had hesitated to believe that she could get pregnant again. There was one part that stuck out to him the most. Guilty.

"Liv, please know that you can talk about it whenever you want. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to go through that loss, especially all by yourself".

"I love you, Elliot Stabler".

She kissed him sweetly, but it soon turned into something more when he nibbled on her lower lip. He released her lips, but only so she could catch her breath.

"I love you more, Olivia Benson. I can't believe I'm a going to be a daddy to seven kids. It reminds of the Sound of Music in a way".

Her heart was warmed when she realized that he included Hudson, but panic took over.

"Oh my God, El! What are we going to tell your kids? You and Kathy aren't even officially divorced and I'm pregnant. They're going to resent our baby".

He shook his head at her little outburst. "You need to take a breath and calm down. We start by telling them that we are together, which shouldn't be too bad since Kathy already has a boyfriend. Also, I forgot to tell you something. While you were undercover at Sealview, I found out that the divorce is finalized. We have a custody agreement worked out and everything. I guess I forgot to tell you because of everything else going on, but I'm yours, Liv. I may be considered single, but you have my heart".

She was upset with him for not telling her sooner, but how could she stay mad at him when he had done so much to give her everything she had ever wanted?

"Well I guess we need to tell them that we're together soon so they'll have time to adjust to the idea before I start showing".

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Olivia smiled at the sight of Elliot asleep in their, no, her weren't living together yet although Elliot spent almost every night with her. His arm draped over her pillow that he had stolen when she got up to use the bathroom. To think that a few months ago she had no clue that Elliot loved to cuddle. She had no idea that he'd only let her go if she gently rubbed his cheek. It was what made him unique. She sat down next to him, just taking him in. He was going to be a daddy again. He did it. He gave her a baby. The man that she loved the most in the world had given her this precious gift.

"I can't thank you enough, handsome".

"Now that's a nice thing to hear as you wake up" He said in his sleepy voice. The things his sleepy voice did to her… She pushed him so that he was laying on his back, moving herself so that she was straddling him.

"Make love to me" She ordered before capturing his lips.

"Talk about a good morning".

"God you're beautiful" She sighed.

"Isn't that my line?" He teased.

"Nope, It's ours".

He got lost in a sea of her kisses, but he had never felt more at home in his life.

*Later That Morning*

"I have to go. I'll call you tonight. Love you". He kissed her quickly before grabbing the doorknob. She grasped his tie, yanking him back to her, kissing him breathless.

"Love you, too". She playfully slapped his butt, giggling when he shot her a suggestive look.

"Go before I don't let you leave".

"Maybe I could stop in at lunch".

"Go!"

Hudson sat happily in his high chair, munching on the cheerios she had given him.

"So what are we going to do today my happy boy? Maybe we should go for a walk and get you more clothes. I bet you're tired of wearing white, gray, and yellow".

A firm knock on the door surprised her. She wasn't expecting any company, especially because she was only wearing a bathrobe.

"Hello , I'm here for my surprise check" Hudson's caseworker explained.

"Oh, come on in. I just need to get dressed".

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"I bet you're missing Liv" Fin said out of nowhere. They had been sitting in the car, waiting for their suspect to make a move for a majority of the day. Elliot simply shrugged. Of course he missed working cases with her, because they naturally worked well together. Fin was a smart man and one hell of a detective, but he didn't know what he was thinking like Liv did. Liv understood him, and on the off chance that she didn't, she trusted him enough to follow his lead, no questions asked. He wanted to work with Liv again, but after the news they received the previous night, the SVU was the last place he wanted her to be. What if she got hurt on the job? The pregnancy would already be considered a bit of a risk considering the fact that she wasn't in her twenties anymore and her previous miscarriage. He would never forgive himself if something happened to her or the baby on the job. No, he couldn't let her come back if she would insist on working in the field.

"Elliot, you still there man?"

"Yeah, sorry... I just have a lot on my mind".

"I bet. Benson has a baby and you got a divorce. There's a lot going on at once".

 _You don't even know the half of it._

"I'm happy for her. She deserves to be happy. She's an awesome mom".

"When are you going to tell her that you love her?"

Elliot scuffed. "What do you mean?"

"Don't pull that man. We all can see it. She's had you wrapped her finger since her first day".

He simply shook his head. They weren't that obvious, were they?

"Look, I just think you both deserve it at this point. But that's not my business".

"You're right. It's not your business".

 **AN: I know it's somewhat short, but that was the best place to cut the chapter. Love y'all!**


	19. Chapter 19

**An: Hello to all you lovely people out there! Thank you so much for your continued support throughout this journey. I do apologize for the delay in updating. Time managed to get away from me and next thing I know it's like a month without an update. I can't wait to see the reactions for this chapter. Love y'all!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order SVU. Also, murder is illegal so please keep that in mind!**

"As long as you address those few things, everything should be fine, Detective Benson. Enjoy the rest of you day".

Olivia closed the door, tempted to simply let it hit the woman. No, being nosey and nit-picky was part of her job. Just like being a detective…

She scooped Hudson up into her arms, holding him close. "Don't worry sweetie, we'll get this all figured out. We're not going to let this get in the way of our fun day. Let's go get you some more clothes and then a nice stroll through the park".

After feeding and changing Hudson, they were ready to take on the rest of the day.

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"Alright handsome, let's pick out a few more things and then we'll be all done. I can tell that you're not a fan of shopping".

She moved the stroller so that it was easily in sight while she searched the rack.

"Awe, Hudson… I want to get this one, but I don't think I should".

It was a onesie that said "Handsome just like Daddy".

"No, not until we know where we all stand".

She jumped when a hand grabbed her shoulder. Panic rose in her chest. She grabbed the hand and forced it off of her without thinking.

"It's me, Kathy".

Olivia finally looked at the woman, feeling both embarrassed and confused.

"I thought you saw me come up. I didn't mean to scare you" Kathy started. "So, how are you? What are you doing here?"

Olivia spotted Eli in the cart over Kathy's shoulder. His adorable little smile helped her to calm down. She wondered if Kathy even knew that Elliot brought Eli to her apartment. That was doubtful considering how pleasant she was trying to be.

"I'm just getting some more clothes for Hudson, my foster son". She stepped to the side so Kathy could see her boy.

"Oh my goodness, Liv! He is so precious! Is he the one you were telling me about before?"

Olivia wanted to roll her eyes. The two of them were never friends. It's not like she sat down with Kathy and was chatting with her about Hudson, she had screamed that information at her to get her to shut up. Part of her wished that Kathy would cut the cutesy crap. At the same time, Kathy would always be a part of their lives, so they had to be civil at the very least.

"Yes, he's the reason that Elliot was spending so much time with me". Olivia bit her lower lip. She shouldn't have said it like that, but it felt so good. "Alright, well it was nice seeing you, but we have to head out". She said with a fake pout. She couldn't wait to get out of there!

"Bye! Oh and Liv, despite everything, I am glad you got him".

" _You won't be when you find out what else I got"_ She thought with an evil grin.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000

5:30 pm

"Yeah, yeah Kath. I'll be by in a little bit".

"Trouble in paradise?" Munch asked as he sat at his desk.

"Not really. Kathy asked me if I could take Eli for the night so she can get a bit of a break".

Fin nodded in understanding.

"Cool. If you happen to see Benson tell her that we miss her".

Elliot shook his head, not willing to humor them. What bothered him the most about their teasing was that he couldn't tell if they were just taking shots in the dark, or if they knew exactly what they were talking about. Either way, they couldn't go on with all the secrets anymore.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

6:30 pm

"That was yummy, wasn't it baby?"

She wiped his face off and lifted him out of the highchair, kissing his little belly.

"Bath, bottle, then bed!"

A firm knock on the door made her sigh. Why? She opened the door to find Elliot and Eli on the other side.

"I didn't expect to see you tonight", was the only thing she said.

Elliot didn't know how he was supposed to take that. "Do you want us to leave?"

She had too much on her mind to deal with this.

"Of course not. I just fed Hudson and I'm going to give him a bath. Do you still need to feed Eli?"

Elliot nodded. "Is it okay if we stay tonight? I have his pack and play in the car, so it's not a big deal if we need to go back to my place".

"Absolutely. I've got him if you want to go get it".

She took Eli in her left arm, balancing a baby on each hip. It would benefit her to practice now and truthfully, she wanted a moment away from Elliot so she could collect her thoughts. He kissed her on the cheek before retreating down the hall. She managed to kick the door shut and get the boys back to the table. Eli easily settled into the highchair, being surprisingly still as she fought the straps with one hand. There was no way for her to buckle them without her other hand. Hudson began to fuss, most likely because he was no longer receiving her undivided attention.

"It's okay baby, Momma just needs a second".

The next things she knew, Eli was crying for no reason at all.

"What is going on?" Olivia asked them. She didn't know what the problem was or how to fix it. It was likely that she'd be the next one in tears.

"So I got his pack and play and his bag-What the hell is going on in here?" Elliot asked as he entered the apartment once again. Olivia had tears in her eyes trying to keep them from falling. God this was embarrassing. He left her alone with the boys for five minutes and now all three of them were crying.

"I have no idea! Everything was fine! Everything was fine and now it's not and-"

He grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her into a tight hug. "It's okay. I don't know why you're so upset, but it's okay".

"I don't feel well" She mumbled before handing Hudson to Elliot. She ran off to the bathroom without another poor thing would be doing a lot of that within the next few months and there was nothing he could do about it. As much as that bothered him, he knew that he would have to do his best to make the little things easier on her. It wouldn't take long for him to feed Eli and get everyone settled once more. Although she had barely said a word to him, he could already tell that she had had a rough day. What they needed was a nice quiet evening with the boys and everything would be okay, right?

"Liv, go lay down. I can manage the boys for a bit" He called down the hall. Hopefully she wouldn't argue with him about it.

"Ok".

She collapsed on the bed, trying to calm her raging stomach and her eyes felt so heavy. Closing them for a minute would be fine, just so they could rest.

*45 minutes later*

Elliot watched with a content smile as Eli slept. It had taken longer to get him down that he had originally anticipated, but it was a labor of love. Hudson on the other hand had gone down without a fuss. Now all he had to do was check on Olivia. He peeked into her bedroom, finding her snuggled up in the blankets on "his" side of the bed. The poor thing must have tired herself out. Selfishly, he wanted to wake her up so they could spend some quality time together, but she needed to rest. He laid down next to her, spooning her just like he did every night. Weird how just being next to her made him feel at home…

He kissed her on the cheek, allowing his lips to linger for a moment. One hand moved to play with her short strands of hair. It had grown so much in the last few months alone. She looked beautiful with her short hair, but in all honesty he did prefer it a little bit longer. That's only because that was the length she had it when they first met, and that was one of the best moments of his life. That hair, those eyes,and the most breathtaking smile in the world. He chuckled when she huffed in her sleep, turning over in his arms. Her leg pushed between his two, tangling them together even more.

"You're lucky you're cute, Benson".

"You're lucky I'm letting you stay, now shush".

"I didn't know you were even awake".

"I wasn't until you kissed me". She shot him a look, but he knew that she was just messing with him.

"Well, now that you're fully awake, maybe we should talk about the whole me staying here thing".

She closed her eyes again.

"Come on, Liv. We need to talk about it".

"I know, but there's something else we need to talk about first and I'm really not looking forward to it".

"It can't be that bad" He started, unsure of where he was going to go with that.

She took a breath and began. "Well, Hudson's caseworker did a surprise visit this morning and it went well, until she peaking into the bathroom. She noticed your pile of dirty clothes, you know, the ones I asked you to put in the basket? Yeah, and that lead to her grilling me about who I'm having around Hudson, how often, and what I expect it to turn into".

"Oh".

"Yeah...So we need to figure this out, El. I don't want to lose either of you".

He sat up, forcing him to follow her lead considering their previous position.

"Olivia Benson, you know that I think that you are a strong, independent, smart woman. I respect you and I know that you are meant for great things. But you know that I didn't sign up for all of this. I don't want another kid. Why the hell would I? I already have five perfect children with the woman of my dreams. Did you seriously think that I wanted you? I pitied you, Liv. It was so sad to watch you just survive in your miserable existence. Sure, I'm glad you got Hudson and congrats on the pregnancy, but they aren't my problem. I have _my_ family to take care of".

She could feel that her mouth was hanging open, but there was nothing she could do to close it. His words had been laced with such venom and disgust.

"What happened? I thought you loved me…" She barely managed to say. Her voice cracked as the tears began to fall.

He scoffed. "Liv, I loved the sex, but you? No. Never. That could never actually happen. Look at yourself. You have a killer body, but that's going out the door now that you're pregnant. I think someone out there could love you, but that someone isn't me. I'm sorry that I let it get this far".


	20. Chapter 20

**An: Hey there! This one is short and probably has mistakes that I didn't even notice, but two chapters within 24 hours! This is my way of apologizing for the big gap between the last two. I love to hear from you all and what you think. It really does help. Love y'all!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order SVU or the characters.**

"Liv, sweetie you need to wake up". Elliot shook her shoulder as he spoke in as calm of a tone as he could manage. Olivia was full on sobbing in her sleep and it was freaking him out because he had never seen anything like it before. The boys would wake up if she didn't stop soon.

"Liv, you need to wake up, baby". She angrily pushed against his chest, nearly knocking him off of the bed.

"Get away from me you jerk!" She yelled as she nudged him. When he didn't move, she began to swing at him. He held up the pillow, trying to block her blows.

"What the hell did I do? I just wanted you to stop crying". His defense was meaningless. If anything, it only added fuel to her fire.

"You break my heart and then get mad at me for crying? Who does that?"

Elliot dropped his shield and caught her wrists, pinning them to her chest. All he could see was the anger in her eyes and it caught him off guard. She continued to struggle until she accepted the fact that he wasn't letting go.

"Now tell me, when and how did I break your heart? All I've done is show up unannounced and put the boys to bed".

"So...we haven't discussed Hudson's caseworker?"

"No?"

"Oh my God. It was just a dream" She sighed. She practically tackled him and wrapped her arms around him. "You said that you didn't want Hudson or the baby; and that you could never love me".

"Oh, sweet heart. That wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare! I love you so much".

His lips found hers, kissing every ounce of doubt out of her. He nibbled on her lip, making her smile.

"Why would that crazy thought even be in your head?"

"Well, Hudson's caseworker came by without any notice this morning and you aren't exactly a tidy person, so she saw your dirty clothes. She kept asking me all these questions about your role in all this and I think that it just freaked me out because I don't really know".

"I wish you had said something to me sooner instead of letting it get to you all day".

She buried her face in the crook of his neck. "I didn't know how to bring it up and not add pressure. The last thing I want is for you to say that you want to be involved in Hudson's life just because you think you have to".

His fingers curved over her shoulders, pulling her back so that he could look at her. "Listen to me, I want to be involved as much as you will let me be. If that means I foster him with you, so be it. If that means you want me to be a fatherly figure, but don't want it on paper, I'm fine.I love you both so much, Liv. I love this little budding family of ours. I wish that things were different though. I wish I didn't have to worry about being apart from you two, even for a night. I honestly don't like our current situation because I feel like I'm part of the family, but not fully. You know?"

She bit her lip and nodded. Of course she was glad to hear that Elliot was willing to be in this one hundred percent, but he managed to blindside her with his little admission. They managed to make it this long without really discussing their living arrangements, and there was no way she'd get him off of it now.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, El. That's obviously not my intentions".

He caught on to her trying to curb the conversation. "Look, if we're talking about important stuff, we need to talk about this, too".

"El, please".

"Why won't you even discuss this with me?"

"Because I'm scared! I love you, but I'm not sure I can handle you moving in right now. That nightmare made me realize something; you have so much power over me and you don't even know it. My heart is in your hands, Elliot, and that is scary. My heart is the only thing that I'm guaranteed to have in this life. Of course it can fail like any other organ, but it's the other meaning of the heart that I'm talking about. I may lose my mind one day, but my heart will never forget how to love, or how much love can hurt. It's damaged. Those who have had it before didn't treat it right, and now it's scarred. I trust you with my life, but that doesn't make me less afraid. What if we start this life together and it doesn't work out? I don't think that I or my heart could handle a blow like that. You are one of the best things that's happened to me, but I don't want to move too fast and mess this up".

He understood exactly what she was saying, because he had the same fear. Although they had barely been apart for more than a day at a time, part of him was afraid to officially move in. She had a history of running away when things got bad, but how could she do that if she had nowhere else to go. She valued her personal time in her own space. What would she do if she felt trapped? At the same time, those are the same situations that they needed to learn to deal with. They had to learn how to communicate openly with each other and know when the other needed space. It would be better for their growing little family in the long run.

"Sweet heart, I know that this is scary and that so many people have told you the same thing, but I'm not going to hurt you. Those other people...they didn't know how to take care of you. I get you and I know that you need space, and that sometimes all you need is to lay down and relax, but baby this is a step we have to take. I know that it'll feel very invasive at first, but it will feel normal after a while. I promise that I'll give you everything you need, as long as you are honest and tell me the very few things that I won't be able to figure out. As long as we do this together, we can make it work".

She was silent for a while, but he knew that she had a lot to think about. "Do you think that it would be better if you didn't move into my place? That way it wouldn't feel like you were invading my space. I was thinking...I was thinking we could look at houses? Only if you want to . I know that we'll need the extra space-"

He cut her off with a kiss.

"We can start after your first ultrasound".

She nodded. "That sounds nice. Thank you for basically forcing me to talk about this".

He coaxed her to lie down, kissing the smooth skin of her neck once she was settled. Her smile was bright as she cupped his face, bringing him in for a kiss.

"Oh wait...There's one more thing we need to talk about".

Olivia groaned. "What?"

"I think the guys are suspicious. They've been saying some things the last few days and I can't tell if it's just jokes or if they have an idea of what they're talking about".

She simply shrugged. "Then I guess we'll have to tell them. I want to tell Cap first though".

Elliot raised a brow at her, making her laugh. "I didn't expect that to be such an easy conversation".

She shrugged again. "After everything else that happened today and yesterday, it was an easy conversation. I mean-I mean they're going to find out, El. It sucks because I have no clue what's going to happen with our partnership, but we have a family to worry about. I don't want to make the things that are out of our control stressful for no reason. I love you, and thankfully my nightmare was wrong and you do in fact love me".

"Very true. I love you and Cap is just going to have to deal with that. When do you want to tell him?"

"I was thinking that I'll come in tomorrow and we can just sit down and tell him together. I want to get it done and over with. I'd say we could wait until after I see my doctor, but I have to call tomorrow to see when they can get me in".

"Is it bad that _I'm_ nervous to tell him?"

Olivia threw her head back laughing. "Seriously,El?"

"I know he's like a father to you and I'm sure he'll be just as protective as one".

"At the same time, he should be happy because I'm happy".

"Are you happy?"

She nodded. "Happier than I've ever been in my life. I just hope our little family can become a part of your bigger one one day".

"We will. I just have to sit down and tell the kids, soon. I have them this weekend".

"Good. Are we done talking now?"

He thought it over for a minute. "Yeah. Why?"

"Because I want you to make love to me".


	21. Chapter 21

**Love y'all!**

"Liv! It feels like it's been years since I've seen you" Munch greeted as he gave his coworker a big hug. She chuckled when he refused to let her go. "Fin and Elliot have been driving each other crazy. Cragen has been forcing them to work together while you've been gone".

Olivia sighed. She knew all too well about Fin and Elliot working together, and she hated that the two men were such good friends yet awful partners. Who knew what would happen to the partnerships at the SVU after they disclosed? Maybe she would be partnered with Munch and Elliot and Fin would have to work together. Maybe she would be with Fin. Hopefully, their current partnerships would work out. Munch released her and she walked over to Fin for a hug.

"Where's Hudson?"

"I called his sitter in. I figured I'd come see you guys and give them a chance to bond a little more. How have you guys been? I heard El is being hard-headed as usual". She tried to remain engaged in the conversation, but it was so hard considering the events of a few moments ago.

"Yeah, but it's alright. We're figuring it out. Where is Stabler anyway? He was here and then he was gone".

Olivia knew exactly where he was. He was on the roof, waiting a few minutes before coming back down so the guys wouldn't think that they had been together. Not that it would really matter anymore…Oh well, nothing could take away the joy she felt.

*15 minutes ago*

 _Elliot looked at his phone, reading the text from Olivia._

 _Meet me on the roof xo_

 _He smiled. No one would miss him if he were to step out for a few minutes, not that he really cared because Olivia was more important regardless. Munch and Fin were busy at their desks, so he knew that he'd be fine._

 _He found Olivia standing on the roof, looking out at the city below with her arms crossed over her chest. Her eyes may have been on the scene below her, but he could tell that her mind was thinking of something else entirely. She was lost in thought and had never looked more beautiful. Elliot wrapped his arms around her from behind, smiling when she immediately turned to kiss him._

" _I have something to tell you" She started. "There's no doubt, you're gonna be a daddy again"._

" _You went to the doctor's?"_

 _She nodded. "I called this morning as soon as the office opened and they told me they could get me in today. So I took it. I hope you're not upset"._

 _He shook his head and coaxed her to turn so that they were face to face. "I understand why you went without me. I want to be there for the rest though". He kissed her on the forehead, savoring this beautiful moment._

" _I cried. I broke down sobbing because I'm so damn happy" She sighed. "I love you"._

" _I love you, too"._

" _I have a picture. There's not much to see yet, but do you want to look at it?"_

" _Of course"._

 _She bent over and picked up her purse, quickly retrieving the picture. She handed it to him with a warm smile. "That little blob is our baby"._

 _He examined the picture thoroughly, taking in every available detail of his son or daughter._

" _I'm seven weeks"._

 _He nodded. That sounded right. There was one thing that caught his eye though. "Why does it look like there are two little blobs in here?"_

 _She shrugged. "The tech didn't really say much to me since it's so early"._

 _They stood in silence, simply looking at the picture of the life they created together for a few more moments._

" _As much as I love this, I guess I'm going to head in and say hi to the guys. The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can go home and celebrate. I'll see you in a few?"_

 _He kissed her on the top of her head and gave her a quick hug. "See you in a few"._

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Elliot was walking into the squad room, watching as Olivia spoke with Fin. She had a way of lighting up a room and he knew that he wasn't the only one that saw it.

"There you are. I was just telling Benson that you haven't tried to kill me in two days".

Elliot rolled his eyes but allowed himself to laugh a bit. He gestured towards the office door and Olivia nodded. It was time. She could see how nervous Elliot was and it took everything in her not to laugh at him. Her big, strong man was scared to tell their captain that they were together and having a baby. It was a big step, but coming clean and telling their boss about it would make things so much easier in the long run.

"Breathe, El. It'll be fine".

She knocked on the door before cracking it open.

"Liv, nice to see you here. Come in".

Olivia took a seat across from the captain and waited for Elliot to join her. "It's nice to see you too, but I'm afraid I'm here to handle some business".

"We know that it's the middle of the day, but we figured that the sooner we discussed this the better" Elliot added.

Donald Cragen was no fool, he knew what this conversation would entail. He did find it quite funny that his two best detectives were trying their hardest to maintain a professional air as they concealed their nerves.

"So what do you need to talk to me about?" He asked, playing along.

"We um...We actually need to disclose".

Olivia allowed that to sink in for a moment, silently testing the waters. It was hard to read their captain, so she moved forward. "We've been together since he filed for divorce. Recently, very recently actually, we found out that we are expecting…". She hadn't planned on plowing through everything like that, but it was all out in the open now. Elliot's hand gripped her thigh. She could feel how sweaty his palms were through the fabric of her pants.

"So, you two were together for months behind my back and now you're having a baby?"

The two detectives nodded. "We would have told you sooner, but things weren't serious for a while" Elliot blurted out. Why the hell did he say that to the man that acted as Olivia's father? They had absolutely no intention of telling him their original arrangement and here Elliot was opening his big mouth.

Cragen simply shook his head. "As you both know, this complicates things around here. I can't answer the question you want to ask. I'll have to observe how you two handle working together before I can ensure that you can stay partners".

They both nodded again.

"There is one thing I can tell you right now though" He paused. "I'm happy for you two".

Elliot let out the breath that he had been holding and Olivia smiled. "Thank you" She said for the both of them.

"Elliot, you are a smart man so I trust that you'll treat Olivia and my grandchildren right. Olivia, I know that you can kill him and make it look like an accident if he doesn't".

Cragen stood and extended his hand, which Elliot accepted. He then walked around the desk to congratulate Olivia with a hug.

"When are you going to tell John and Fin?"

Olivia smirked. "Right now".

She grabbed Elliot's hand and lead him into the squad room, making sure they were standing in the middle of the room. Cragen watched from the doorway of his office as his two detectives made a show of their announcement. Elliot gave Olivia a little twirl before taking her fully into his arms and dipping her. He held her like that while they locked lips, earning the attention of everyone in the room. Some of the fellow officers clapped while others stared in shock. When the two pulled apart, they definitely felt uncomfortable, but in a good way.

"I'm pregnant" Olivia announced, making almost everyone smile for the happy couple. Munch and Fin came up to them, congratulating their coworkers and friends.

"I'm glad you two finally got your head out of your asses and went for it" Fin said. Turning to Munch, he extended his hand, "Pay up man, you owe me fifty dollars".

Olivia's jaw dropped. "You two bet on us?"

"Us two, half the precinct. Actually, it's probably more like half of the NYPD" Munch joked.

She bit her lip. How had the whole precinct seen what they had between them before they did? She shook the thought off. "Well, I was thinking that we should celebrate. How about lunch on me? I know you guys can't go out, but why don't you pick where you want takeout from and I'll get it?"

After they ordered, Olivia left to pick up lunch for the guys and the captain. Before she could leave, Elliot kissed her once again, while Munch pretended to gag. She lazily kissed Elliot one more time before heading to the elevator, mumbling a quick "love you" as she left.

They both knew that their behavior wasn't exactly appropriate for work, but technically, Olivia wasn't on the clock anyway. Of course they wouldn't touch and kiss each other while they were working, but they were just too happy at this moment. She let out a content sigh as she stepped off the elevator and out the door. Things couldn't be better.

Elliot was sitting at his desk, doing paperwork while patiently waiting for Olivia to return. He heard footsteps coming up behind him, so he turned to see who it was. A disheveled looking woman came up to him with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Are-are you detective Stabler?"

"Yes, I am. What can I help you with?"

"You can help me by staying away from my family! My husband is not a rapist! I know that you are setting him up. Do you get off on ruining families?"

He stood up and put his hands up, trying to figure out how to address the situation. Fin was coming up behind her to restrain her, but she moved faster than him. Her hand slipped into her jacket, pulling something out. The next thing they knew, a loud crack echoed through the precinct and Elliot crumbled to the ground. Fin tackled the woman and disarmed her while Munch ran to aid Elliot. He groaned in pain, his entire body feeling like it was on fire. He wasn't even sure where he had been shot until he felt Munch applying pressure to his thigh. It all happened so fast…

Olivia groaned at the sight of the ambulance outside of the precinct. What could have possibly happened within the twenty minutes it took to get their Chinese? The stretcher was being rolled out as she got to the main entrance.

"Oh my God, Elliot!" She yelped as soon as she recognized him. The food dropped to the ground as she bolted for him. A medic grabbed her by the arm, stopping her before she could reach Elliot.

"You can ride with us, but you need to stay out of the way".

She nodded and climbed into the back of the ambulance, forcing herself to keep her hands folded in her lap so that she wouldn't disturb them. Elliot's eyes were closed and he was pale as a sheet. Two men frantically moved about the vehicle, doing everything they could to stop the bleeding. Tears rolled down her cheeks, but she refused to acknowledge them. Elliot was strong. Elliot would be okay.


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: Hello there! I did not abandon my baby! I have had a crazy summer, meaning that I've moved again and started a new job. I cannot thank you all enough for your continued support. I don't want to be the person that begs for reviews or anything, but I have never reached 200 on a story before so, let's see if that'll happen with this one. I love you all and I hope you enjoy the chapter!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order SVU or the characters.**

As expected, the waiting room was jam-packed. Olivia stood with her arms crossed over her chest, waiting for Fin to get back from the cafeteria. Her feet were killing her, but an elderly woman had come in and there weren't any chairs left, so naturally Olivia gave up her own. The obnoxiously loud waiting room actually helped to distract her. Thoughts of murdering the rude and impatient people that surrounded her kept her from thinking about Elliot too much. Amazingly, Olivia hadn't even shed a single tear. Not even when a doctor informed her that Elliot would need an emergency surgery to remove the bullet, and that was hours ago… So far, her strength had even impressed her.

"Sorry I was gone so long. There was a really long line" Fin handed her the cup and she bit her lip.

"Fin, what's in this?"

"Coffee, just the way you like it".

She handed the coffee back to him, covering her face with her hands. The next thing she knew, her whole body was shaking as she sobbed. Fin quickly set the drinks down on a nearby table, pulling Olivia into a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Liv. I didn't even think-"

"It's not about the damn coffee!" She practically yelled. "I need him".

She buried her face in Fin's shoulder, finally letting it all out. Fin tried his best to comfort her, but nothing besides Elliot's voice could do that for her right now.

"He'll be okay" Fin tried to reassure.

"He lost so much blood".

She heard Fin sigh, so she lightly pushed against his chest, silently telling him to let go. All she needed was a moment to collect herself and she'd be fine.

"Do you want me to go get you another drink?" Fin asked quietly. Olivia shook her head.

"No, thank you. I'm going to step out and call Cragen".

Their captain had joined them for the first hour or so, but John needed someone else to be there for the paperwork. Once she was outside the main entrance, she dialed the number. She heard her name being called before the phone could even ring.

"Liv, Elliot's awake. He's been asking for you" Fin explained. He stumbled backwards when Olivia pushed past him to get back into the hospital. At least now he had more time to fix his drink mistake and get her some food too.

Olivia stopped in front of Elliot's door taking in a deep breath. She had no clue what to expect. It didn't matter. She had to be strong for Elliot. She stepped into the room, immediately greeted by his warm smile.

"Hi there, baby" He cooed.

She couldn't keep her laugh sounded like he had a mouthful of marbles. He reached out for her, clearly frustrated that the IV in his arm held him back. She took a seat in the chair next to his bed, grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers. The fingers of her other hand gently ran through his hair, trying to keep him relaxed.

"Where's Hudson?" He asked after a long moment.

"He's at home with Lucy. I didn't think his case worker would be too thrilled about me having him here for hours".

He lazily nodded, but she wasn't sure that he had actually processed a word she said."Lay with me" He requested, patting the bed.

"No, El. We can't. I don't want to cause you any more pain, although whatever they gave you sure seems to work".

"I feel wonderful" He slurred, making her smile.

"Oh I'm sure you do. I'm going to step out and call Kathy. The kids need to know you're here". She stood to leave, but Elliot yanked on her arm, forcing her to stay put.

"No, Liv. Don't leave me".

She could see the fear in his eyes for the very first time, stilling her completely. Elliot never showed fear, even to her.

"Okay, El. I'll stay here" _Until you fall asleep_ she finished in her head. Once he was asleep, she would step out and call Kathy. She resumed her previous actions, holding his hand and running her fingers through his short hair.

It only took ten minutes for Elliot to surrender to sleep. She stepped out in the hall with every intention of calling Kathy, but Fin walked up to her just as she was about to dial.

"Liv, how's he doing?"

She shrugged. "He was pretty loopy, but right now he's sleeping. We'll know more when he wakes up".

Fin offered her a small smile. "Yeah...I called Kathy while you were in with him. I figured it would be a little awkward for you".

Olivia felt some weight come off of her chest. "Thank you Fin, I was dreading that actually. How'd she take it?"

"She said that she would pray for him, but she wasn't coming down here tonight. It's late and the kids are sleeping…"

Olivia nodded, admittedly thankful that the ex wife wouldn't be making an appearance. "I'm going back in with him. Why don't you head home?" She offered.

"I don't want to leave until you leave. I need to make sure you take care of yourself. We don't need both of you in here".

Olivia rolled her eyes. "I'll be fine. I actually plan on leaving soon. Hudson needs me and I know Elliot would kill me if he found out I stayed here instead of going home. I'm just going to check on him one more time and then we can go".

She went back into Elliot's room, finding him awake once again. "That was a quick nap".

Elliot only nodded. "I love you" He sighed.

Olivia smiled and grabbed his hand. "I love you more, but I have to head home. I need to relieve the sitter".

"I know. Promise you will bring him to see me in the morning?"

Olivia chuckled. "Of course. I'll see if Kathy wants me to pick up Eli, too. Now, get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning". She leaned to give him a kiss, but cut it short because she could feel the familiar burning in her eyes. No, she wouldn't cry in front of him when he was the one in a hospital bed.

She darted out the room, earning a strange look from Fin.

"Ready to go?" He carefully asked, not wanting to set her off twice in one night.

"Yeah. Can we pick up pizza on the way to my place?"

"You don't have to ask me twice".

000000000000000000000000000000000

Olivia and Fin sat on her couch, scarfing down pizza. It had been a long, horrible day and drinking was off the table, so stuffing their faces was the next best solution. Olivia eyed the last slice, trying to figure out if Fin was going to try to take it. He had just finished his previous one, now was the time to move. Both of them reached at the same time, but she managed to reach it just a little bit quicker.

"Damn, Benson. You're eating for two, not twenty".

That made Olivia laugh, a full, hearty laugh. "Well I didn't eat lunch, so my hunger was that of four people".

"I don't think that's how it works".

"That's totally how it works".

"Look, I know you're tired and it's late, but I have to ask. Are you okay?"

She bit her lip and looked down at her pizza. "I don't know" She answered honestly. "I know he's okay, but I also know that this could happen again. We work in a dangerous field and I honestly don't think I can handle doing this whole family thing without Elliot",

"I think you could, but I get what you mean. That's something to talk to him about when he comes home".

"Yeah…"

"Do you need anything else before I go?"

She shook her head. "Nah, I'm heading to bed anyway. Thank you for everything, Fin".

 _Elliot is okay. He's in the hospital, but he's okay._ She repeated over and over again in her head. They needed to talk when he came home, big time.

 **AN: What are they going to talk about?**


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: Hello there! Thank you so much for all of your support. 200 reviews! I know it's been way too long since I've updated this story, but I've been inspired to do some other things lately. *Insert shameless self promotion*: Check out my other stories and let me know what you think! I apologize for this being such a short chapter, but I've learned that quality is more important than quantity (meaning length). I hope you enjoy! Love y'all!**

 **Disclaimer: If I were a rich man...**

"Little man, please stop crying" Olivia begged as she rocked Hudson. He had kept her up for a good portion of the night, crying for no reason. He wouldn't take the bottle and his diaper was empty, but his cries continued. His temperature was normal, but he just wouldn't stop crying. Eventually, Olivia gave up and placed him in his swing with a pacifier. The last thing she wanted to do was to get him started with bad habits, but she was only human. She ran a finger over his chubby cheek as he suckled, talking to him as he slowly drifted to sleep.

"That's right my sweet boy. I'll be here when you wake up, and then we'll go see Elliot. How's that sound?"

He was fast asleep now, and despite her own exhaustion, she sat in the rocking chair next to the swing just to watch him sleep. Honestly, she was scared to move him in case he woke up. Olivia thought of how many times Elliot had missed these moments. He was still missing these moments. No parent could be there for everything, but most jobs didn't demand as much time and heart as theirs.

"I don't know what to do, Hudson" She sighed. One hand made it's way to her abdomen, wishing she could feel their baby. They would miss so many moments with him or her too. Lucy would have to tell her when Hudson said his first word, or when the baby crawled for the first time. Selfishly, she didn't want the babysitter to be the one to witness all these milestones. Olivia had waited her whole life to become a mother, and she wanted to experience every part of it to the fullest. Her babies would grow up with a sitter unless…

"Oh baby, mommy has so much thinking to do". Olivia leaned back in the chair, closing her eyes. She would only rest for a moment, then she would put Hudson in the crib and get herself to bed.

*4 hours later*

Olivia was feeding Hudson when her cell phone rang.

"Benson".

"Hey sweetheart, what are you up to?" Elliot asked. She could hear the smile in his voice and she was so thankful that he was doing better than yesterday.

"We're getting ready to come see you. I called Kathy, which was so fun by the way, and I'm picking up Eli so both of the boys can see you".

"Thank you, Liv. Do you think she knows?" Elliot asked, referring to their relationship.

"We'll we've always been close and have done way more than just friends do for each other, so there's a chance that she doesn't" Olivia said optimistically.

"I think I should talk to her".

"What? No way" Olivia said sarcastically. "I was thinking we should do a Vegas wedding and tell her and the kids afterwards. Just to make things even more interesting".

"Who said anything about getting married right now?" Elliot teased. Olivia blushed, not wanting to open that can of worms right now.

"Relax, Liv. It was a joke. Just get ready and bring me my babies".

"Okay" She agreed through a laugh. "I love you".

"I love you, too".


	24. Chapter 24

"There they are" Elliot told the nurse as Olivia pushed the stroller into his room, carrying Eli in his car seat with the other hand. He could tell by the look on her face that the morning hadn't exactly been smooth sailing, but she was happy to see him.

"Good morning, . was just telling me about you" The nurse said.

Olivia forced a smile as she crouched down to unbuckle Eli. As soon as he was free from the restraints, she handed him to Elliot. The nurse offered to help with Hudson, but Olivia politely declined. Once the nurse was gone, Olivia unbuckled Hudson and set him in the space between Elliot's legs.

"My boys" Elliot said with a proud smile. "My lady doesn't look bright and bushy tailed though".

"I barely slept" She sighed as she sat in the chair next to the bed. "Hudson decided to pull an all-nighter. Then Eli spit up half way here so I had to change him as soon as we got here. I had them both ready to come up and then Hudson pooped and I had to change his diaper. I don't know how you and Kathy did this with twins".

Elliot chuckled when she scooped up Hudson, holding him against her chest. "You're doing great, Liv. I'm impressed".

"Well thanks".

"Something else is bothering you though. Do you want to talk about it?" He offered.

"I was trying to wait until you were out of the hospital, but I guess it doesn't really matter when we talk about it as long as we talk about it" She rambled.

Elliot patiently waited for her to continue, lightly bouncing Eli in his arms and tickling his little tummy.

"I think I might transfer to a different unit".

That wasn't what he expected to hear at all. He expected her to say that she was nervous about having three babies under the age of two at once, or that she was worried about telling Kathy and the kids about their relationship, but this, this was totally out of the ball park.

"What?"

"Nothing is set in stone yet, I just wanted to tell you that I've really been thinking about it".

"Why?"

"Why what, El? Why have I been thinking about it?"

He nodded.

"Elliot, you have five children. How many school plays have you gone to? How many times did you get to go to parent-teacher conferences? How many times did they do something that 'you had to be there' for, but you weren't there?"

He was silent for a moment, so she continued.

"I've been at SVU for nine years, and the average detective only lasts two. I want to be there for my kids. I want them to come home from school and sit down and do their homework while they tell me all about their day. I don't want to miss all the little holiday parties that they have at school. I want to be the mom that sends in those little treat bags for everybody".

"You think that changing units is going to give you that much more time?" He asked in a very calm and careful tone.

"What happened yesterday really got me thinking about the future, what I need to do to be the best mom I can be for our children. If that means switching some things up so I can find a way to balance my career and family, then so be it. I'm not suddenly this whole new person that wants to give up everything I've worked for and believe in, but I do want to find a way to do what I love while maintaining a more consistent schedule. That, and I don't know if I can deal with going to work everyday, knowing that there's a good chance that I won't come home to our kids that night. Of course there aren't any guarantees in life, but I don't want to be risky anymore. In eight or so months, we are going to have three kids under two years old".

"Maybe four" Elliot couldn't help but adding.

"Three" She insisted, making Elliot chuckle.

Elliot was torn. On one hand, he was completely on board with her working somewhere less intense during the pregnancy. On the other hand, he couldn't imagine the person that Olivia would be without the Special Victims Unit. She lived for helping those victims and locking up the perps. He was totally thrilled that their growing family was more important than her career, but he feared that she would regret leaving. Lastly, he didn't want her to go. Plain and simple.

"I can't imagine going to work everyday without you" He confessed. "It would always feel like something's missing".

Olivia slowly nodded. She knew that she had to put it out there.

"Maybe we could look into it together".

If it weren't for the babbling babies, you could have heard a pin drop.

"You want me to leave with you?"

Olivia shrugged. "It's just an option, El. Personally, our little family will be coming first in every decision that I make. I'm not implying anything by that" She insisted. "I just want you to consider it, El. I want _all_ of us to be happy with where we are. You don't need to decide anything today, this week, or even this month. Just promise me that you'll think about it".

Elliot promised despite the confusion he felt. Everything was changing, and it finally felt like too much to him. He did understand where she was coming from. He had fleeting thoughts about leaving the NYPD all together because of the time it took away from his kids. Something kept him from doing it every time though.

"Well, I have a whole week off. Plenty of time to think about everything". A grin formed on Olivia's face.

Elliot loved that smile so much.

"We get to spend a whole week together. Then we get to go back to work together. Unless you already decided that you're leaving" He attempted to joke. It came out sounding a little bitter though.

They sat in a somewhat uncomfortable silence for a few minutes, letting everything they discussed digest a bit. Elliot could see Olivia's exhaustion. He told her that he'd keep an eye on the now sleeping boys if she wanted to get a little nap in herself. She accepted his offer with a small smile, trying to get comfortable enough in the chair, propping her feet up on the bed.

"Thank you for hearing me out, El".

"Thank you for being so open with me".

 **AN: Happy holidays! I've had this done for a little while, but I was honestly a little scared to post it. I have no clue what kind of reaction this is going to get. I tried to rewrite it a couple of times, but I kept coming back to this. So, let me know your thoughts and feelings. Thank you for all the support. Love y'all!**


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